


Know x You x Better

by orphan_account



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Arguing, Assumptions, Canon Universe, Dialogue Heavy, Dysfunctional Family, Embarrassment, Fake/Pretend Relationship, First Kiss, Flirting, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kissing, M/M, Misgendering, Oblivious, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Overthinking, Pining, Post-Canon, Protective Siblings, Public Display of Affection, Returning Home, Sibling Banter, Slow Burn, Teasing, Trans Alluka Zoldyck, tags update with chapters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 07:00:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 40,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25346614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “Do you think you can know something about someone without them being aware of it themself?”
Relationships: Alluka Zoldyck & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck, Hisoka/Illumi Zoldyck, Kalluto Zoldyck & Killua Zoldyck
Comments: 173
Kudos: 417





	1. Chapter 1

“That’s the third phone you’ve purchased this week,” said Alluka, grabbing the clunky flip phone out of Killua’s hands after noticing that today’s phone was decidedly not the ugly black and yellow brick phone he’d had yesterday, as this one was bright red. “Will you  _ please _ tell me what’s going on?”

“Don’t worry about it,” said Killua, lazing on the couch, making a brief attempt to reach up and behind himself to take it from Alluka before deciding it would be futile. “And seriously, give me my phone back, it’s freakin’ annoying.”

“Are you waiting for a text?” asked Alluka, leaning over the couch to bother Killua again, her long black hair dangling over and tickling him on the nose. He quickly pushed her hair away and looked away to the side to avoid having to make eye contact with her. Now at 17 and 18, the two of them had  _ certainly _ grown up a lot, with both of them hitting the six foot marker.

“Just the opposite, actually…” Killua muttered under his breath. He looked up at the ceiling fan and then over at the open window. It was  _ hot _ out, and he didn’t really feel like doing anything at the moment. Besides, based on the past few days, he wouldn’t have to worry about the calls anyways, and it wasn’t like anyone had his new number. He let out the breath he was holding. 

“Did you get into a fight with Gon again?”

Killua sat straight up.

“What? No, we’re not arguing or anything,” said Killua. Alluka narrowed her eyes. She came around the living room and lifted Killua’s sprawled out legs up before sitting down and dropping them off the side of the couch. 

“You haven’t called him in  _ weeks _ .”

“Yeah, he’s been on an excursion with Kite,” said Killua. It had been four years since the two of them had departed from Gon at the World Tree, but they still kept in contact. Despite the fact that Gon’s aura nodes had closed, all of the training he’d done was not put to waste, and he was still legally a hunter. Pairing his love of the outdoors with Kite’s supervision, the two of them routinely went on trips to some areas of the world that needed to be ecologically surveyed. Oftentimes, these areas didn’t have good reception, so it was normal for them to go a few weeks at a time without contact. But usually they made up for it by chatting on the phone for  _ hours _ afterwards. 

“Wasn’t he supposed to get back two days ago?” mused Alluka, still holding onto the phone as she twirled her hair around her finger. “He didn’t dump you, did he? Is that what this is all about?” Her voice had an almost teasy tone to it, one that Killua rolled his eyes at. It was probably his own fault, after being stuck travelling with him for the past four years, Alluka was bound to adopt some of Killua’s sarcasm. 

“Huh?” asked Killua, scrunching up his nose. “No, we’re still friends.”

“Ah, yes,  _ friends _ ,” said Alluka, a slight smirk going across her face. Killua raised an eyebrow at her. “Friends who call each other every single night routinely and use up all of our minutes on the burner phones you keep getting.”

“Gon’s my best friend, of course I’d want to call him, I  _ like _ talking to him. And speaking of calls and phones, can I have mine back-”

Killua’s eyes darted wide open as suddenly the phone started to ring. Alluka looked down at the caller ID. 

“Don’t answer it!” exclaimed Killua, but Alluka’s expression changed from slightly intrigued to devilish. In a split second, Killua lurched forwards, positioning one hand to snatch the phone out of Alluka’s hand and the other to protect her from falling onto the ground. Had he activated Godspeed, he probably could have done it, but having failed to charge up that morning, the two of them ended up on the ground, with Alluka’s finger on the accept call button. 

“Killu?”

The two siblings looked each other in the eyes, Alluka upside down off the side of the couch arm, and Killua, who had lunged himself a bit too far, had managed to land on his feet. It was at this moment, they realized they had fucked up. 

Alluka pointed at the phone and mouthed “What do I say? Did you know he was calling?” to which Killua mouthed back “just hang up”. 

“State your name and business,” said Alluka in a comically stupid voice. “I don’t take lightly to prank calls.”

“Please, it’s been three weeks, Mom won’t leave me alone,” whined Kalluto over the phone. “Just hear me out at least.”

“Oh, it’s just Kalluto,” whispered Alluka. Killua made a hand puppet as he mouthed “it’s just Kalluto”, earning him a tongue stuck out. “Hi, Kalluto!”

“I should have known Killua would never pick up the phone,” said Kalluto over speakerphone. “So, are you two coming or not? Mom’s been furious, you two were supposed to be back weeks ago.”

“Coming to what? Home? Why?” asked Alluka. “This is the first I’m hearing of it.”

“Well obviously Mom want’s Killua home so she can try to convince him to take the family business, but other than that, she’s been organizing this big family reunion since we haven’t all seen each other in a while. Between Illumi taking long jobs, and my involvement with the troupe, Milluki’s the only one who’s been home.”

“Like I said before, I’m  _ not _ coming.”

“Kil,” started Kalluto before Killua snatched the phone out of his hands. 

“Stop calling, and don’t call me Kil. It’s Kil-lu-a I’m not going back there. I don’t want anything to do with them, okay? Alluka and I are doing fine for ourselves on our own,” said Killua, as if he had rehearsed the sentences in his mind before. 

“It’ll just be for a few days, and besides, you can just leave again afterwards-”

“Look, Kalluto, I know you like your assassin jobs, but I don’t. I don’t want to be an assassin. That’s all I can associate that place with. I’m not going ho-...” Killua almost dropped the phone from his hands once his brain caught up to his mouth. He cleared his throat. “I’m not returning.”

“Killu...a, just hear me out, okay. If you don’t come back, Mom and Dad are sending Illumi to look for you,” said Kalluto, who sounded almost frantic. “I had to beg them that I could convince you. They gave me a few weeks, and I’m almost at the end of the time.”

“Is that a threat? I’m not scared of Illumi,” said Killua, but deep down, he felt a part of himself twist in agony. Was he scared of Illumi? Now that the needle was gone, he had no inherent reason. But the thought of his brother tracking him down and forcibly bringing him home against his will was too prominent. Who knew, he might even insert another awful needle if he wasn’t careful about it. 

“Brother, maybe we should think about it-”

“Stay out of this, Alluka.”

“All I’m saying, is that I think we should talk about it-”

Killua pressed the end call button and set the phone down on the table next to him. He sat down on the couch and crossed his arms, visibly pissed. 

“Hey!” exclaimed Alluka, clenching her fists at her sides. “How come you never let me have a say in anything?”

“It’s not a good idea to go back, okay?” sighed Killua. “Even if we talk about it, my answer still stands; we’re  _ not _ going there.”

“Stop making decisions without consulting with me, first.” Alluka’s voice raised slightly. Killua felt a bit of panic washing over. The two of them didn’t argue often, and when they did, nine times out of ten it was just teasy banter. But occasionally, they would get into harsher arguments. They didn’t dislike each other; in fact, if he didn’t like her, he probably wouldn’t argue with her like they did. It was just… Sometimes Alluka didn’t know what was best for her.

“Why do you want to go back? After all they did to you? Alluka, they locked you in a room for years, they don’t deserve to see you,” snapped Killua. Alluka sat up and looked off to the side, chewing on her bottom lip. She folded her hands nicely in her lap.

“I know what they did was bad, but I don’t think we can get out of this one. If they send Illumi after us…..” Alluka closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “And don’t get me wrong, I’m not jumping for joy at the idea of visiting everyone. But I think it would probably be better to get our quinquennial visit out of the way before things get ugly.”

“I’m not going.”

“That’s your opinion, not our plan of action,” said Alluka, grabbing the phone off the table. “I see why you were getting burner phones and hiding the phone calls; you didn’t want me to know that they wanted us back because you didn’t trust my judgement of the situation.” Killua groaned as he grabbed a pillow to put over his ears. He did  _ not _ want to deal with this right now. 

“It’s not like that, I  _ do _ trust you, I just….” Killua took the pillow off and looked Alluka in her sad blue eyes. 

“No, you don’t trust me. You don’t think that I can form my own opinions. You don’t trust that I know how I feel,” said Alluka, clutching her shirt at her chest tightly. “You’re using me to project your own feelings.”

“I am  _ not _ , what they did to you was horrible!” exclaimed Killua. “You  _ shouldn’t _ forgive them-”

“And maybe I  _ shouldn’t _ . But  _ I’m  _ the one that’s going to make that decision, and we can talk about it if you want, but it’s still up to me,” said Alluka, eyes wide. Killua felt a pit of dread welling up inside of him. He dismissed the thought at first. What his family did to Alluka was terrible, she was completely innocent in the whole situation. Locking her away, refusing to treat her as part of the family, or even with basic human decency, was terrible. Compared to her, what he had to endure was… Killua paused. He hadn’t even noticed how wrong it was at the time. The fact that he was shock trained with electricity, or desensitized to poisons, or even the manipulation from Illumi wasn’t apparent to him as wrong until he’d started sharing it with Gon and the others as a fun fact. He suddenly realized it. 

“Alluka, I was in the same position you were in years ago. It wasn’t until other people heard about the stuff I went through and commented that it wasn’t normal that I began to figure it out for myself. What they did to you, it’s not normal-” Nanika’s dark eyes grew wide before quivering at the bottom, leaving Killua speechless. She stared at him, stunned, before walking back into her bedroom. Killua winced as the door closed. 

He screwed up. Again. On one hand, Alluka had a point. She wasn’t a child anymore, they’d both grown up over the years. But he  _ knew _ that going home would cause trouble. They didn’t respect Alluka’s existence, they didn’t even treat her like family. Why couldn’t she put two and two together to see that this was an overall bad idea? Killua rubbed his temples. 

What he could admit, was during their argument, she  _ did _ have a point. He really wasn’t letting her talk.  _ Because everything she was saying was wrong- _

Killua got up off the couch and walked into the kitchen before grabbing two popsicles out of the freezer. He knocked on Alluka’s door, twice. 

The door creaked slightly open. 

“I got you the grape flavor,” he said, gesturing to her with it. “It’s really hot in here, make sure you eat it on the balcony before it makes a mess.” Alluka snatched the popsicle out of his hands. 

“Clever,” she said, joining him on the balcony of their apartment. She leaned over the rail, her long black hair blowing in the slight breeze that had made the heat slightly more bearable. “You know I hate making messes.”

“I’ll hear what you have to say,” said Killua, licking the top of his lime popsicle. “Even though I think you’re making a mistake, I’ll let you explain all the way through before I interrupt you.”

“Wow, that almost sounded sincere,” teased Alluka. Killua bit off the top of his popsicle, the freezing feeling against his teeth causing him to shiver. 

“It  _ was _ sincere!” he complained. 

“Alright. So the first reason I think we should go back, is because we’re going to have to do it eventually. With this logic, if we have to go back, I’d rather it be on our own terms like this instead of being dragged back kicking and screaming,” said Alluka, holding up one finger. “The second reason is that, well, maybe things will be different? We’ve been away for four years, maybe they’ve wisened up. They locked me up in the first place because they didn’t know how to deal with Nanika, but we haven’t had issues in the four years we’ve been travelling. We proved them wrong, brother.”

“Okay, I’m  _ seeing _ your logic…” said Killua, watching a drop of lime popsicle juice pool up at the bottom of the popsicle before falling 15 stories down the building they were in. And then the next one. And the next. “I’m just… not comfortable with going back.”

“I know it seems a bit scary, but then I remember that I’m going to be with you the whole time so if anything happens we’ll be there together,” said Alluka. Killua watched as the rest of the popsicle slipped off the stick and fell, silently hoping that no one was below, otherwise they were going to have a bad day. Alluka rested her hand on his forearm. “You don’t feel the same way?”

“It’s not that I don’t think that we can confide in each other, because I do. I’m still uneasy with the idea. I don’t like it. At all,” admitted Killua.

“Killua….” Nanika looked up at him, her hand now gripping his forearm. “What if you invited someone else along so you were more at ease?”

“Like who? Who would willingly drop everything just to accompany me back to- Okay, that’s not fair, if I ask Gon, he’s certain to say yes no matter what it is,” said Killua. 

“So?”

“So? He doesn’t know what he’s getting himself into-”

“Didn’t we just have a whole conversation about not making assumptions about how other people feel?” said Alluka, taking her hand off her brother’s forearm to give him a little punch in the shoulder. “I’m sure the trip will be more bearable when the three of us are together.”

“I  _ suppose _ ,” said Killua. His sister was right, he  _ did _ feel a lot more at ease when Gon was around. “Wait! I never agreed to go!”

“But I  _ did _ warm you up to the idea,” said Alluka, giving him a cheeky grin. “Thanks for listening to me, though. I really appreciate it.” The words were on the tip of his tongue:  _ but it’s still a bad idea _ . He knew better than to speak them out loud, though. Alluka was right; she wasn’t a child anymore, he didn’t need to make decisions for her. Sometimes he’d have to compromise, which meant that sometimes, he’d need to do things he didn’t want to. Killua suddenly wished he hadn’t let his popsicle fall off the stick when he was thinking earlier. 

“After dinner tonight, I’m going to call Gon,” he suddenly announced. “You’re right, it has been way too long since we’ve talked, and he should be back by now.”

“I haven’t seen him in ages, I guess this can be an excuse to get us all back together,” joked Alluka. Killua smiled, but still felt a distaste and worry down inside. Alluka seemed so nonchalant about the trip, or maybe she was putting on a façade so he wouldn’t worry. The more he thought about it, the more something just didn’t feel right. He was so intent on Alluka staying away, why was he so bothered by her wanting to go back?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> August 27 update: haha i thought this was going to be 6 chapters xD (good news is, all the plot points have stayed the same I just wanted to update twice a week so here we go)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey, Gon, can I ask for an opinion on something?”

Killua didn’t like phoning in favors, but desperate times call for desperate measures. He knew Gon wouldn’t want anything in return, but asking him to come visit his family with him was a huge deal, especially since there was always the risk of Gon not having his nen. Was it selfish of him to ask something that Gon couldn’t, no,  _ wouldn’t _ refuse? Killua thumbed his finger over the buttons on the burner phone. Most likely, nothing would happen. Gon had visited the estate before and only sustained injuries because he was breaking rules. As long as he didn’t start a fight with any of the butlers or his relatives, he would be fine. 

Killua hummed along to the tones the buttons made as he punched in Gon’s number he had memorized by heart. He hadn’t intentionally tried to memorize it, it was mostly a side effect of having to switch phones and addresses many times because of his and Alluka’s travelling. It was typically him who had to call Gon first, who in turn had kept the same number consistently since they’d gotten their first phones from Leorio. 

“Hey, Gon?” asked Killua, silently grateful that Gon had picked up the phone almost immediately when it started ringing. 

“Killua!” Gon shouted over the phone. His voice was as comforting as ever, and Killua felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. “I just got back from NGL, man, you should see what they did to the place! Of course there are some restricted areas for the remaining Chimera ants to live, but the ecosystem has recovered a lot after the damage done there. We found a newer species of ant, you should have seen Kite’s face when he found it. Don’t worry, it wasn’t a Dark Continent Ant, just a normal ant. What’s really funny is that we thought these were the same type of ants as normal ones, but in our base of the NGL we have some electric devices and the ants kept eating our electrical wires! The normal ants don’t do that. I wanted to name them after you- as a joke, of course, but Kite shot down the idea really fast. I drew some pictures of them, I’d send them to you but I don’t know if this phone supports photos or not…. Anyways, it’s really a sight, if you ever want to go back, let me know and I’ll show you around, but I kinda get it if you don’t want to go back, it’s not really as flashy as some of the places you and Alluka have been visiting.” That, and there were a plethora of  _ bad _ memories associated with the place. 

“Sounds like you had a fun trip…. Studying ants…” Killua said, holding back a little giggle. 

“Killua~” said Gon, drawing out the ‘a’ in his name. “It wasn’t  _ just _ ants.”

“I know, I’m just teasing you,” said Killua, rolling over on his bed so he was on his stomach now. “Sounds like you had a good time, though.”

“Yeah, it was pretty fun,” said Gon. “So, what have you been up to? ” Killua felt a bitter taste in his mouth. This was his last chance to back out of asking Gon to accompany him on his trip back to the Zoldyck Estate. He paused for a moment before speaking.

“Hey, Gon, can I ask for an opinion on something?” asked Killua. Gon was only silent for a few seconds but to Killua, it felt drawn out longer than just a few. He knew Gon wasn’t doing it on purpose, but it made him feel slightly anxious. Was he making a mistake about this kind of thing? Of course he didn’t have a bad feeling for nothing, there’s a reason sayings such as “gut instinct” existed. Killua chewed on his bottom lip, waiting intently. Eventually, he heard Gon verbally agree with a “Sure!” 

“Do you think you can know something about someone without them being aware of it themself?” asked Killua tapping his fingers along the side of the phone to calm himself down. 

“What do you mean?”

“I just…” Killua sighed. He knew where he was going for this, but could branch the conversation out in many ways. He might as well be honest with Gon though, since of all people, he would probably understand. “Okay. Fine, I’ll bite. My family has been contacting me to come back, and Alluka thinks it’s a good idea to go back. I don’t want to, and I don’t think she knows what she's getting herself into.”

“Is that why you’ve got a new phone? I didn’t recognize the number and just assumed you changed apartments again, but that would make sense if you’re trying to ignore them,” said Gon piecing together the information he got. “What’s wrong with Alluka wanting to go back?”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea. She called me out for not trusting her judgement, and I  _ want _ to trust that she knows how she feels, but it just isn’t sitting right,” said Killua. “Maybe I’m overreacting. Maybe everything will work out in the end, and I’ll be fretting for nothing, but right now…” Killua paused to catch his breath. His mouth was working a lot faster than his brain was, so the moment he spoke the words out loud was the first time he thought of them. “I’m more uneasy that I can’t trust her decisions.”

“You guys have been travelling around for about four years now, right? I totally understand that; Kite doesn’t let me do  _ anything _ without heavy consideration since I don’t have my nen. I get that he wants to keep me safe since being a hunter is already a super dangerous job, but sometimes I feel like it’s a bit overkill,” said Gon. He then laughed. “I guess it worked since I’m still in one piece.”

“Oh, that’s good-”

“I  _ did _ break my wrist two months ago- But don’t worry, it’s healed now!”

“The disclaimer  _ is _ appreciated,” said Killua, almost completely distracted from the reason he called in the first place. Talking to Gon always improved his mood. “Anyways, I guess you’re right, it’s just coming from a place of worry.”

“I guess,” said Killua. “Anyways, there’s another reason I called you.”

“Besides wanting to catch up? Killua, I told you that I was getting back three days ago, I was waiting for you to call,” said Gon, and Killua immediately felt a twinge of guilt. He knew he  _ should _ have called Gon sooner, but between the stress of his family  _ somehow _ finding the random burner phones he was using, and not letting Alluka find out, it had slipped his mind. No wonder Alluka thought they had a fight or something. He supposed that  _ was _ definitely observant of her, but Alluka had always been observant of that type of thing. 

“I had a lot on my mind,” he said. “I was thinking, and I’ve decided we  _ are _ going to go back and pay a visit. But I think I’d be a bit more comfortable if you came along with, if you want to.”

“Of course I want to! I haven’t seen you in ages, when do you want to meet? I’m off for a few weeks, so we can hang out afterwards a bunch too,” said Gon excitedly. 

“I can’t wait,” said Killua. “Truth be told, I’ve been baited into coming back.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, apparently if I kept ignoring calls, they were going to send Illumi to come retrieve me, if that hadn’t been on the table there’s no way I’d return,” Killua said, clicking his tongue at the end. “It pisses me off. Honestly, if I’m going this much out of my way to go back, it better be worth it. Wait. That’s it.” Killua’s mouth twisted into a devilish smirk. It was going to be an obnoxious trip for him, might as well make it just as annoying for everyone else. And what better way to do that, then to purposefully piss off his family. 

Killua’s mind swarmed with the possibilities. He could put on an overboard pacifist persona to contrast with them being assassins, but that sounded like it took a bit too much effort than he was willing to put into it. His mind raced over a few other professions/ideals before suddenly realizing the easy answer was right on the other side of the phone. 

“Remember when you came to visit me right after the hunter exam?” asked Killua. 

“Yeah, it feels like forever ago,” said Gon, remembering his time there.

“Six years,” said Killua, easing into the conversation. “Anyways, when I was about to leave, my dad told me to essentially be loyal to my friends. I have a great idea. He probably thought that I’d abandon everyone and then feel guilty about it and come home, right?”

“Hm, probably, yeah,” said Gon. “But you didn’t!”

“You know what would throw both him and my mom for a loop? If I used that logic for  _ dating  _ you,” said Killua smugly over the phone. This was a great plan, his parents would probably be  _ pissed _ that he was in a relationship, especially with someone like Gon who was far from the assassination business. Killing a few extra birds with the same stone, he would also have a legitimate reason to bring Gon back with him, and he could deflect conversation too. 

“Oh! So you want to go out with me?”

Killua held his breath when he heard these words over the line. His cheeks felt a bit heated as he fully comprehended just what it was that Gon was suggesting. 

“Are you talking to Gon again?” asked Alluka from the doorway of his room, noticing Killua’s flustered expression. Killua covered the part of the phone that picked up audio. 

“How can you tell?”

“You look like you’re totally smitten-”

“Ahg stop it,” whined Killua as Alluka giggled. “You and I both know I haven’t talked to him in forever, of course I’m going to be excited to hear him speak. Don’t make this embarrassing.”

“Hmmm,” said Alluka, cryptically. She invited herself into Killua’s room and sat down on his desk chair, watching him. But not too intently, she initially pretended to thumb through the stack of post it notes on his desk first while glancing over when she thought Killua wasn’t looking. He definitely noticed.

“Sorry about that, my sister was bothering me,” said Killua, giving her a playful stink eye. 

“I am  _ not _ a bother-”

“Fine, she was  _ pestering _ me-”

‘I’m not a pest either-”

“My sister was  _ talking _ to me,” said Killua, looking Alluka directly in the eyes. Alluka stuck her tongue out at him, after winning their little banter. “And uh, it’d just be fake dating. For pissing off my parents.”

“Oh.”

There was a pause.

  
“Yeah.”

Another pause.

“So we just pretend to be in a relationship around them?”

Gon’s sentence sounded a bit clunky and awkward. Killua decided to respond in the same way. 

  
“To piss them off.”

After he said this, Killua looked down at his nails and flexed his hand a few times. His heart rate had increased slightly, but that was normal when he talked to Gon. He just had that kind of personality about him, his enthusiasm about things was infectious. He’d never admit it, but he  _ was _ still thinking about those ants that Gon described earlier that ate the electrical wires. How could Gon make  _ ants _ interesting, it was totally a talent. 

Gon broke up Killua’s internal monologue about ants.   
“Do you need me to do anything? Need me to act all tough and gruff? Because I can be tough. Oh, or maybe you want me to be bookish, I can act super nerdy like Leorio and try to correct everyone when they say anything that I deem incorrect. Um, actually-” 

“Please don’t, I’m afraid I’ll end up silencing you before the night is over,” joked Killua. “I want to do stuff that will bother my parents, not  _ me _ . Maybe you should just be yourself, you know, just pretend you’d be as affectionate as you would be if you were really dating me.”

“Oh, you want me to do that,” stammered Gon. “Y-yeah, I can do that.”

“It won’t be too hard, will it?” asked Killua, subconsciously making his voice a tad bit sultry. 

“Cruel, brother,” said Alluka, giving the post it notes another flip through. Killua rolled his eyes at her. She didn’t even know what they were talking about. She probably thought he was teasing Gon again, which he kind of  _ was _ but it wasn’t anything bad. If Gon had an issue with it, he’d have no problem speaking his mind. 

“No, of course not. Sounds fun. Should we meet up before we go back somewhere? I think, uh, we should get some good chemistry before we try to convince them we’re dating,” said Gon. 

“Why? Are you nervous,” teased Killua. “You don’t think you could comfortably date me?”

“Of course not! I totally could! I just wanted to meet up so we could hang out a little beforehand, you know,” said Gon, and Killua felt just a little bad for teasing him so much. It had been too long since they were together. “Let’s meet at the transit plaza so we can take a bus to your mountain together.”

“Alright, sounds fun, I can’t wait to see you,” said Killua before making a kissy sound with his lips. “Later.”

“Killua-”

Killua turned off the phone and then set it down on his bed, biting down on his bottom lip slightly. Wow, talking to Gon always  _ did _ make him feel so much better. 

“Well, your mood has certainly improved,” said Alluka, who had since made a little flip animation on the post its she’d been playing with. This one was a little bird flying in a loop. “See, I told you it wouldn’t be that bad.”

“Yeah, I think I was just going through Gon withdrawal,” joked Killua. “Man, I missed talking to him.”

“I can tell, you’re totally blushing,” teased Alluka. Killua narrowed his eyes at her. 

“I do  _ not _ blush. And besides, I don’t remember inviting you in here.”

“Nanika wanted to check up on you to make sure you weren’t still in a slump from earlier. You got really upset and she just wanted to know you were okay,” said Alluka, as if that were the only reason she came to see what Killua was up to. 

“I’m doing a lot better now,” said Killua. “I’ll call Kalluto tomorrow morning or something, unless he bothers me first, but let’s prepare to head out and meet Gon. I’m bringing him with me as my date.” Alluka raised an eyebrow. “Oh, don’t worry, it’s just to piss off our parents.”

“Say,  _ would _ you ever consider dating Gon?”

“I mean we’re literally going to be pretending to be together...”

“So you  _ do _ like him?” Alluka twirled a bit of her hair around in her finger as she looked at him innocently. 

“Yeah, he’s my best friend, of course I can rope him into doing things like this for me. That’s what best friends are all about; scheming together to pull pranks. It’s perfect,” said Killua, his face shining brighter than it had in the past few weeks, and certainly than it had been earlier today. His mind started to race with ideas for little things the two of them could do to bother his family, like using stupid pet names, or constantly holding hands, or whispering to each other and giggling. It was like all of those rom com couples that he found himself annoyed with in the movies Alluka made him watch, but this time it would be him and Gon that were partaking in the little activities. 

“I take it I need to pack some bags?”

“Yeah, we’ll meet Gon tomorrow,” said Killua, shooing Alluka out of his room. It wasn’t that late, but the sooner he fell asleep, the sooner he could wake up. After completing his night routine, Killua looked over at his phone and opened his messages. Of course, he had a few from Kalluto asking for updates, but after responding to that, he punched in Gon’s number. 

**Killua :** gn, gon

Killua set the flip phone on his nightstand and shut off his lights. Just a tad before he was about to fall asleep, a vibration awoke him. He looked over at the phone. 

**??? : ** AAAA GOODNIGHT!!! [][][][] CAN’T WAIT TO SEE YOU [][][]

Killua smirked at the message and set it back. His crappy burner phone couldn’t get the emojis Gon had sent, but he’d just ask to see them tomorrow. It was just another thing to look forward to. Not that he needed one, or anything, but the more, the merrier. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise, it's not going to be *all* phone calls, they'll meet in person next chapter. 
> 
> The amount of chapters *might* change, there are going to be at least six but as I haven't finished with 5 and 6 yet, I might add a 7th (just letting you guys know in case the chapter number changes in a few days or so)
> 
> Please let me your thoughts on the chapter ;)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...Killua paused for a moment, not on purpose, but because something in him just wanted to see that look for just a bit longer....

“Gon’s late,” said Killua sitting down at one of the benches after purchasing his bus ticket for him and Alluka. He looked down at the clock on his phone and took a bite of the chocolate chip croissant he had for breakfast. 

“By four minutes,” said Alluka, sipping on her smoothie. “Give him some time, he’ll show up.”

“He better.”

“This is Gon we’re talking about, there’s no way he’d just blow you off; he cares about you too much,” exclaimed Alluka. Killua gave her a head pat with the hand that likely didn’t have croissant flakes on it. He really should have asked for napkins when they’d purchased them.

“I’m just messing around. Of course he’ll show up,” said Killua, pulling out his phone to look at it again. The time hadn’t changed since he last looked at his phone, but after staring at it for another 30 seconds, it eventually did. Gon was another minute late. 

“Stop looking at your phone, you’re just going to stress yourself out,” said Alluka, taking the phone from him. 

  
“Hey, give that back. Remember what happened last time you took a phone from me? We got into this mess in the first p-” Killua shut himself up. Now was _not_ the time to argue with Alluka, and she _definitely_ thought he was in the wrong for keeping him out of the conversations the family was having. This was a can of worms he was not quite ready to open, much less lie in. 

Alluka must have picked up on it too, as she begrudgingly handed Killua back his phone, her cheerful expression faltering a little. Killua didn’t dare look at his phone until it buzzed.

**??? :** Turn around!! [][][]

Killua turned around only to see Gon racing towards him with his hand in the air. 

“Killua!” shouted Gon running up until he met Killua face on. “Ahg, I wanted you to be standing so I could give you a big running hug, but you wouldn’t get up.”

“Is  _ that _ why you’re so late? Damn, of course it is,” said Killua, standing up partially so Gon could give him a hug, but partially to see just how much taller he was than him now. Judging by the height difference, he had at least five inches on him. Nice. The last time they’d met up, he’d been a bit shorter, but Gon didn’t look like he grew too much. 

Gon’s arms wrapped around him tightly as he squeezed, tight enough for Killua to feel his own heart beat in his ears. Or was that Gon’s? He couldn’t really tell. He wrapped his arms around Gon’s back and took a deep breath. He even  _ smelled _ comforting, whatever that meant. It wasn’t a scent, more of a feel, that’s all he could tell. 

“I want a hug too!” said Alluka, breaking the silence. 

“No you don’t,” joked Killua. Alluka stuck her tongue out at him. “Fine. I’ll let you have one.” He let Gon out of the hug, but slowly, he wanted to savor the comforting feeling just a little bit longer, if he’d let him. He watched as Gon gave his sister a hug big enough to lift her off the ground despite having a similar height difference that they did. On closer inspection, he did notice something that was bothering him. 

“Gon, what’s this,” said Killua, breaking up the two to cup his chin, his thumb brushing over what  _ should _ have been smooth skin. Gon’s hands immediately went up to cover his mouth. 

“I  _ knew _ I was forgetting something,” he said, awkwardly. “I’ll be right back.” Gon took off towards the public bathrooms. Killua glanced over at him but didn’t have much time to process what exactly just happened before Alluka interrupted him.

“Oh brother, just leave him alone, so what if he has a little stubble,” said Alluka, who was a bit more than slightly amused. Killua looked at her, exasperated. 

“It’s not  _ just _ a little stubble, and besides, if I’m going to kiss him I’d rather it be smooth-”

Alluka’s cheeks flushed a pink shade as if what Killua said was enough to make even  _ her _ flustered.

“Don’t look at me like that, isn’t the point of fake dating that we have to be super chill about it? Couples kiss. It’s true,” said Killua, crossing his arms. “And best friends don’t. That’s one way we’ll convince them.”

“Best friends only kiss when they’re fake dating, I guess,” said Alluka, raising an eyebrow at him. Alluka liked to tease him about things, and of course, this was prime real estate. Killua always joked about hating mushy romance things, and now he was going to be partaking on it on  _ purpose _ , and with none other than Gon, so it made sense that she would find this fun.

“Yes,” said Killua, looking over at the bathroom, completely missing the implications of Alluka’s statement. Gon had just run off, he wondered what that was about. “I’m going to go wash my hands before I don’t get a chance to for another few hours on the bus.”

“Okay then….? I’ll be waiting here with our stuff.”

As soon as he walked into the bathroom, he was greeted by a sight he was totally  _ not _ expecting. Gon was standing in front of the mirror, his cheeks lathered up with the hand soap from the bathroom. He was staring intently, prepping his pocket knife awkwardly as he prepared to use it on his face. 

“You’re shaving here? Right now?” asked Killua, surprised. Gon, noticing him immediately, lowered the knife and gave him a grin that just  _ melted _ him. It had been too long since Killua had seen that cheerful face of his. “You’re not just doing this for me, are you?”

“I thought it’d make me look older and more mature, but I realized you’re not as used to me with a bit of scruff on my face, and it’s kind of patchy,” said Gon, gesturing towards the mirror. Killua rested his hand on top of Gon’s that had the knife in it. 

“You don’t  _ have _ to do this.”

“I know,” said Gon, looking over to the side bashfully. Suddenly, his demeanor changed. “Does it really look  _ that _ bad?”

“Would you be mad at me if I said yes?” asked Killua. Gon gave him a punch on the shoulder. That answered the question for sure. 

“Rude,” said Gon, scrunching up his face a little bit. “I didn’t think it was  _ bad _ . I kind of hoped you liked it, though. Oh well, it’s about time I shaved anyways.” He poked himself in the cheek with his knife lightly to point. 

“You’re going to cut yourself if you do it like that,” said Killua, strengthening his grip on Gon’s hand. “Have you done this before?”

“Yeah, Kite showed me how,” said Gon, but he made no move to take his hand away from Killua’s. “It will probably be easier if you do it for me, though.”

“And easier for me not to miss spots,” said Killua, taking the knife from Gon’s hand. “Because believe me, if you’re missing spots then it will look  _ way _ worse. And besides, I’m sure I’ll do a great job.”

“That’s reassuring,” said Gon, looking Killua right in the eyes as Killua cupped the side of his sink lathered cheek with his hand. He pressed the knife’s blade onto the skin. Gon flinched the second the knife touched him. 

“Hold still,” said Killua, leaning in closer to get a better look. He was standing between Gon and the sink. 

“Sorry, it’s just cold, I wasn’t expecting it,” said Gon, slightly embarrassed. His eyebrows tensed up a little bit as he looked a bit more serious. Killua pressed the knife on again, moving it in quick precise flicks in order to cleave off bits of hair from Gon’s face. He was completely focused. One wrong move and he could knick Gon on the cheek, which he absolutely didn’t want to happen. It was a good thing Gon trusted him, because after the first few strokes he stopped flinching, making this a whole lot easier. To be quite honest with himself, the hair wasn’t that bad. It was more so the fact that it made him resemble Ging just a bit too much for Killua to be comfortable with that. He’d never personally met the guy, but he’d seen pics before, and had watched the clip of Leorio punching him in the jaw on repeat for a while after the election footage got uploaded on the hunternet. 

Killua’s thoughts stopped when he felt Gon’s fingers lightly brush against his skin, moving a lock of Killua’s white hair that had fallen in front of his eyes off to the side. Killua pulled the knife back and looked Gon directly in the eyes. Wow, they were close. 

“What was that for?”

“Oh, I’m just making sure you can see. I wouldn’t want you to scratch my face, that’s all,” said Gon, with a smirk. Killua rolled his eyes. “Just doing you a little favor.”

“You’re underestimating my knife shaving abilities,” said Killua, tenderly rubbing Gon’s cheek with his left thumb that had been sitting there. He was doing a really thorough job so far; Gon’s cheek looked so soft. “Do me a favor and put both your lips between your teeth.”

Gon did what Killua asked for. It looked stupid but it would help. 

“Like this?”

  
“Yeah, but don’t talk,” said Killua. “Or my abilities might not be able to save you.” Now it was Gon’s turn for the eye roll. Killua worked his way with the knife, glancing up briefly to see Gon staring directly at him, his eyes not wide with terror with Killua holding a knife this close to him, but softened, as if he were looking at something warm. Killua paused for a moment, not on purpose, but because something in him just _wanted_ to see that look for just a bit longer. 

Suddenly, their moment was broken up by the sound of a door opening. The two of them froze, Killua still with his hand on the knife pressed on Gon’s cheek, and Gon, who looked absolutely shocked, eyes wide and everything. 

“Holy shit,” said the man, terrified. He  _ immediately _ rushed out and shut the door.

“Well, that’s embarrassing,” said Killua, looking back at Gon, whose face was now decidedly pinkened. “Here, let me finish up real quick.” Gon stuck his chin out so Killua could cup his hand to steady his head again. He started working his way with the knife again, but this time, was focused  _ completely _ on the technical aspect of it. The strokes, the angles, how smooth Gon’s cheek felt in his hand now that he was rid of the stubble-

Killua pulled the knife back and grabbed a paper towel to wet it, giving it back to Gon, who used it to wipe his face. 

“Okay, yeah, you were a lot cleaner than I would have been,” said Gon, looking around Killua to admire his cleanly shaven face in the mirror.

“You probably would have done it like you were peeling a potato,” joked Killua. Gon rolled his eyes at him. “I  _ hope _ that guy didn’t get the wrong idea about what was going on here.”

“Ahaha, he probably won’t because we still had our pants on.”

“What?”

“What?”

Killua knit his eyebrows together. 

“No, I meant about the knife-”

The door to the restroom swung open, startling them both again, and in walked a man who looked like he was part of the security in the area. 

“Speak of the devil,” muttered Killua under his breath, still holding Gon’s pocketknife in his hand which he  _ really _ should have put away. He could easily activate Godspeed and knock the security guard out quicker than he could grab his gun, but this was definitely a public area and that would  _ definitely _ get looked into. The man that had walked in on them earlier appeared behind the security guard. 

“That’s him, officer, the man with the knife,” said the tattletale. Killua spun it around in his hand before closing the blade. He looked over slightly to see if Gon noticed his sick move, but couldn’t really tell based on Gon’s panicked expression. 

“Don’t worry, I asked him to do this for me,” stammered Gon. The security guard raised an eyebrow at him. Killua sighed. Of course he had to be vague. 

“And what exactly was he  _ doing _ to you?”

“Well, I was on a trip for a bit and didn’t shave, so-”

“I told him I didn’t want to kiss him if he was going to have some stubble still, so he tried to shave it off himself using his knife and I thought I’d help him out. I swear, that’s the truth,” said Killua, nonchalantly. He couldn’t tell if Gon’s smile was genuine or if he was just so embarrassed with the situation that it was a reaction mechanism. “Don’t believe me? I didn’t even cut him.”

“You actually  _ did _ knick me right here,” said Gon, pointing to his cheek. 

“Let me see,” said Killua looking over to inspect Gon’s cheek. “Okay, that’s  _ barely _ a scratch.”

“Barely a scratch is still a scratch,” said Gon, pouting. Killua chewed on his bottom lip for a second. 

“I guess I’ll just have to kiss it better,” said Killua with a devilish smirk. He leaned in and gave Gon a little peck on the cheek right next to where the teeny tiny scratch was. “See, all better now.” 

Gon looked like the gears in his brain had just gone into overdrive, and Killua could almost imagine the steam coming out of his ears. It was adorable. But he couldn’t be getting  _ this _ flustered when they were together at the Zoldyck estate, they’d just have to work on that. 

“Um,” said the security guard, awkwardly, who was just now grasping the tone of the situation. 

“Sorry, I must have freaked out, I saw him with a knife up to his throat when I walked in and panicked,” said the man behind the security guard. 

“Please keep all blades folded in public places, I don’t get paid enough to deal with this. Get a room, next time,” muttered the security guard under his breath as he left the room. Killua let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding. 

“That could have gone so much worse, I’m glad it worked out,” said Killua. Gon pursed his lips together. 

“Did you really mean it?” he asked, looking up at Killua. His cheeks were still a bit flushed, and Killua could tell he was trying to hold back a smile. It wasn’t working, though, as the corners of his mouth were turned up.

“I mean, yeah,” said Killua. He pointed to his own face. “Smooth is justice.” Gon looked at him confused for a second, as if Killua had totally missed the point of his question, which just left Killua even more confused. Was that  _ not  _ what he was asking about? 

“You kind of have a baby face,” teased Gon. Killua looked back at him, slightly offended. 

“No, I don’t. Besides, I’m a lot taller than you, you’re the one who has a baby face,” retorted Killua. Gon looked amused. The two of them exited the bathroom and spotted Alluka, who looked at them, slightly annoyed. 

“I heard someone yelling out of the bathroom that there was a knife fight going on, and  _ knew _ it had to be you two,” said Alluka, looking over at Gon. “Oh, you did a very nice job with your face. Very clean!”

“Killua did it for me.”

“Nevermind,” said Alluka, with a wink. Killua scowled at her. 

“You can’t just take back a compliment when you learn new information. You were admiring my craftsmanship, admit it,” scoffed Killua. Alluka was silent, but smirking. 

“It seems you two are already getting along just fine,” said Alluka, gesturing towards where the busses were going to leave from. “You’ll have no problem convincing everyone you’re actually together.”

“You’re too kind, Alluka,” beamed Gon. “I call the window seat, though.”

“Gon, you look really flushed,” said Alluka, noticing the blush still on Gon’s cheeks. “What happened when you two were in there.”

“Oh, that,” said Gon, touching his cheeks. “Killua gave me a peck on the cheek when I wasn’t expecting it”

“To help sell that we really weren’t having a knife fight in the bathroom, of course. My quick thinking skills saved the day,” said Killua, tapping the side of his head. “Anyways, it’s good practice for later.”

Alluka looked at him like she wanted to say something, but bit her tongue. Could this be about the comments earlier about him hiding things from her? Killua pondered it for a moment. No, she was hiding something from him. She had to have a good reason for holding back, though, but then again, he had a good reason from not talking to her about the calls he received in the first place. He decided to give it time. Besides, it wasn’t like they could get into an argument with Gon around, that would totally kill the mood, and would make the trip up to the mountain really tense. He decided to drop it for now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of fluff before more angst ;)
> 
> **update** I decided to change some stuff last minute and move around where some of the chapter breaks are, I've been changing the amount of chapters this has about 2-3 times a day :P so currently the amt of chapters is TBD


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You didn’t even want to let me try."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **PLEASE READ**  
> As you may have noticed, I chose not to include archive warnings. This is because my warnings do not fit into the previously decided categories. This chapter has misgendering/othering of Alluka in it. If this is triggering content, skip the entire Kikyo dialogue up until Killua says “Wait here," . I will provide a summary of the scene at the bottom. If not, then thanks for reading the note anyways.

The ride up to the mountain on the crowded bus would have sucked, to say the least, if the three of them hadn’t been together caught up in a conversation about Gon’s adventures in NGL with Kite. The way he explained his stories were dynamic, and totally captivating. Killua felt as if he could really imagine just exactly what happened, especially with the word choice and emphasis he used to describe things. Man, how had he gone this long before without listening to Gon talk before? Maybe he just didn’t know what he was missing until it was back in his life. 

“.... So then after I lost Kite again, I thought “where would Kite think  _ I _ would be”, so I found and climbed the entire tree and sure enough, no more than fifteen minutes later, Kite found me,” said Gon, ending off another one of his stories. “I wish I brought my camera with me, you should have seen the view from the top. You two would have loved it, I’m sure.”

“You’ll just have to draw it for us,” said Alluka, referencing the fact that while on his missions with Kite, Gon was the one in charge of drawing pictures of everything they felt like documenting. Gon nodded his head. 

“I’ll sketch it tonight before bed,” said Gon. “I still have a good idea of what it looks like.” After the bus unloaded, the three of them hung around while the tour guide gave her schtick about the mountain and the estate, and waited for the crowd to clear off, which didn’t take  _ too _ much time since Nanika kept everyone occupied with little requests such as playing their rock paper scissors tournament, or finding her some cool looking rocks. 

After the crowd was gone, Killua cracked his knuckles and looked over at the testing gates. It had been years since he’d attempted to open them. While he wasn’t actively training anymore, he was still a hunter, and had done a few different jobs based on whatever work he could find in the cities he and Alluka were in so that they could financially support themselves without having to rely on the Zoldyck fortune. 

He took a blacklist job, once, figuring that it would be easy, given his past. But when push came to shove, it reminded him just a little  _ too _ much of his assassin time. Sure, he was good at it, but it wasn’t really something he wanted to pursue anymore. 

“Think you can still open the testing gates?” asked Killua, resting his elbow on Gon’s shoulder. Gon looked over at the gates before knitting his eyebrows together, trying to judge.

“I’m going to try,” said Gon, rolling up his sleeves so they were up over his shoulders despite the fact that he was wearing a short sleeved green shirt. Killua felt his eyes drawn to the exposed arms. Gon  _ had _ been travelling with Kite for a while and doing some hunter work, he shouldn’t have been surprised that he had some muscle. Not a whole lot, but more than he was expecting, that’s for sure. 

“Stop staring, brother, that’s rude,” said Alluka. 

“Hm?” asked Gon, turning around. 

“Oh, uh, you’ve got nice arms,” said Killua, crossing his and leaning on the side of the testing doors. “I just noticed because you rolled your sleeves up. No harm in that.”

“Right,” said Gon, before he prepared to push the doors. 

“If you can’t do it by yourself, let Alluka help you,” said Killua, gesturing over to his sister. She giggled a little bit. 

“Here I go,” said Gon, bracing himself before putting his hands on the door to push on it. Killua watched intently, for the sole purpose of seeing if the doors would open, of course, no ulterior reasons. Gon was far from weak, but the doors weighed a  _ lot _ . The last time he had been over, it took a while of training, along with Gon, Kurapika,  _ and _ Leorio to all push on the doors to finally open them. 

“Go help him,” mouthed Gon, and Alluka quickly snuck over and gave one of the doors a big push, finally allowing them to open over the threshold of force needed. 

“Got it!” said Gon, proudly. 

“I helped,” said Alluka. Instead of being discouraged, Gon just smiled. “Don’t worry, you almost had it.”

“Thanks for that,” said Gon, giving her a fist bump. 

“Oh, alright, let me go over a few rules. First of all, don’t eat anything someone offers you unless I take a bite of it first,” said Killua, listing off on his fingers. “My family likes to uphold their poison immunity, so sometimes our food is laced with toxic stuff. Second off, if you’re going to wander off, don’t act all stealthy or you’ll set off the butlers into thinking you’re an invader.”

“Got it,” said Gon. “I can follow those rules.”

“Sweet,” said Killua, reaching over to grab Gon’s hand as they started walking on the path. He grabbed Alluka’s in his other hand, not so that she wouldn’t feel left out, but merely out of habit. The last time they had been on the estate, he’d carried her down the very mountain using Godspeed. He looked around; everything looked familiar, but slightly different. It had been four years. The trees looked a bit taller, the air smelled a bit different, but just enough to make him remember that he’d been gone for a bit. 

“Killua?” called out a voice from further into the forest. Killua smiled once he realized who it was. 

“Canary! Did Kalluto tell you I was coming, or is this a surprise,” asked Killua, quickening his pace so the three of them could meet up with her sooner. 

“Yes, word spreads quickly around here,” said Canary, looking over at Gon and then Alluka. “ _ This _ , I didn’t know about.” Killua hesitated for a second, trying to judge the situation.

“The invitation never said I had to come back alone, so I brought my  _ sister _ , and my  _ boyfriend _ ,” said Killua, putting emphasis on both words. He doubted Canary would be one to misgender Alluka, but it didn’t hurt. 

“Wait, I know you,” said Canary, stepping up to get a good look at Gon. “You tried to sneak in here six years ago, didn’t you.”

“Aha, yeah,” said Gon, scratching the back of his head. “I’m Gon, by the way.”

“Oh! You were also….” Canary’s voice trailed off. Alluka gave her a look. “Well, normally I’d have to be wary of anyone dating the Zoldycks, but I think because you two have history, everything should be fine. I can tell Killua really likes you.” She gave Killua a wink. 

“Of course I do,” said Killua as if it were a matter of fact. He looked over at Canary, and tried to see if she had a cell phone or something on her person. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust her, but if she called the estate in advance and told them that he had brought Alluka with, then there  _ could _ be trouble. He needed to keep an eye on her. “Why don’t you accompany us up to the main house.”

“Oh?”

“How’s everyone been?” asked Killua, trying to start some small talk. Canary updated him about how everyone on the estate had been, there wasn’t too much new, mostly mundane things. Eventually, the four of them made it to the base of the house, where Canary flagged down some of the other butlers to call the rest to alert them that Killua and his two guests had made it back. Killua had tried to convince her not to call Alluka a guest, but didn’t get too much luck with the other butlers.

“Kil is home?” he could hear his mother screech from the other room. Eventually she emerged, overdressed as always with her signature visor still on. “Oh my goodness! You’ve grown up.”

“I suppose I have,” said Killua, who was now actually taller than his mother. Suddenly, the demeanor started to change as her eyes spotted the two people near the back of the room. 

“Why did you bring that  _ thing _ back-”

“We haven’t had  _ any _ issues at all. It’s been four years, you’re just scared of her because you don’t understand her,” said Killua, holding his hand out to block Kikyo from walking over towards Alluka. “And she’s not a  _ thing _ . She’s my sister.” Kikyo looked as if she had some distaste in her mouth. Killua felt his heart beating so fast in his chest that he thought it was going to pop out. This is exactly the type of thing he wanted to avoid. He was  _ not _ in the mood to get into an argument on whether or not Alluka belonged in the family or not right at the moment, especially since Alluka was here to witness it. It wasn’t fair to her. It really wasn’t. He needed to divert attention, take it off of Alluka. Kikyo could yell at him all she wanted, but how  _ dare _ she yell at Alluka. 

“Besides, if there  _ were _ incidents, surely you would have heard about them on the news. And my lovely  _ boyfriend _ Gon wouldn’t be here with us,” said Killua, referencing the clauses of Nanika’s ability while also insinuating that Gon was close enough to him that he’d be the one along with Killua that would suffer if they abused Nanika’s power. 

“Boyfriend?”

“That’s right,” said Killua, smirking as he felt Gon’s hand slip into his. He held his hand  _ proudly _ and looked up at her with his shit eating grin. “We’re in love.” He could hear it now, the whole schtick.  _ Assassins don’t have friends; assassins don’t fall in love.  _ But he wasn’t an assassin anymore. Those rules need not appeal to him. 

“This is that little friend of yours, the one who came here earlier, and the one you, well, you  _ know _ ,” said Kikyo, gesturing over towards Alluka. Why did she keep bringing the topic back to Alluka, he needed to up his performance.

“Yep, to be fair, I owe it all to Dad. He really ingrained it into my system that I should  _ never _ betray my friends, and since we were so close, everything just happened naturally and well,  _ you know _ ,” said Killua parroting Kikyo’s own words at the end. He rubbed his thumb over the back of Gon’s hand in smooth circles as he looked Kikyo dead in her visor. He could see her face now, totally in shock that the plan had backfired. Just to seal the deal, he leaned over and gave Gon another kiss on the cheek. 

“Alright.”

“Yes, so there’s no way you can get between us- Wait, what?”

Killua looked over to Gon for some solace, but he had apparently short circuited again. He then quickly looked over at Alluka, who shrugged and gave him a thumbs up. Why was it  _ now _ that she was suddenly not useful. What did Kikyo  _ mean _ by this?  _ Alright? _ What did  _ alright _ mean???? All right? As in it was okay?

“You must not have heard me, Gon and I are  _ dating _ each other. We were friends. Then best friends. And now we’re in an explicitly romantic relationship,” said Killua. Kikyo just nodded along as he started talking, counting something off on her fingers. 

“Oh, Kil, you don’t have to explain this to me. You’re both adults, I have no issue with whatever’s going on between you two. I’ll just let the butlers know we need an extra room for  _ it _ . Gon can sleep in your room,” said Kikyo as if it was no big deal. Killua felt himself squeezing Gon’s hand harder in order to prevent himself from going absolutely feral on Kikyo for disrespecting Alluka again. Knowing her, she’d probably  _ appreciate _ it and use this as an excuse for why he should become an assassin again. He needed to restrain himself for just a little bit longer.

“Stop calling her  _ it _ ,” shouted Gon. Killua froze. Admittedly, things went way off plan with Kikyo’s accepting reaction to him being in a relationship, but if Gon was going to pick fights for no reason, things could get ugly. No, maybe this  _ was _ for the better. Was it though? Was he putting Gon at risk by letting him defend Alluka? “Her name is Alluka.” Killua felt Alluka’s arm link into his, gripping tightly. 

“I will call  _ it _ whatever I want,” said Kikyo, snootily. “Now get it out of my sight, it makes me sick to look at.”

That’s it, time to get pushy. 

“I’m not coming to dinner unless you call her by her name,” said Killua. “I hope my demands aren’t too unreasonable here.” Kikyo snubbed her nose at him. Killua narrowed his eyes.

“You know, I really didn’t want to come back. It was Alluka who convinced me. Otherwise, I would have gone on the run again. It’s all thanks to her that we’re here in the first place. You owe it to her.”

Kikyo’s mouth twisted up. He couldn’t see her eyes, but he  _ knew _ she was snarling at him. 

“I don’t owe it anything-”

“I know perfectly well how dangerous her ability can be. Before you mention it, let me remind you once again that we haven’t had an incident in  _ years _ . Maybe treating people with kindness and compassion actually means something, who would have thought,” said Killua, feeling himself heating up. 

“Are you implying we didn’t have enough kindness and compassion in your upbringing? Because we certainly cared for you. If we didn’t care, you wouldn’t be half of what you are now,” said Kikyo. Killua rolled his eyes. Sure, the Zoldyck parenting methods were unconventional, but it wasn’t as if arguing about them was going to accomplish anything especially since he hadn’t even been around them for years. 

“Don’t talk about Killua like that,” said Gon, raising his voice again. “He’s talking about Alluka. She’s not some monster that needs to be controlled, she just needs to be treated like everyone else.”

“Uhg, I need a break from this, of course you wouldn’t understand. See, I  _ knew _ it, I knew you would do this,” said Killua, grabbing onto the two next to him and starting to drag them down the hallway. “Send a butler to bring us to dinner, or whatever. And I’m only going if Alluka gets to go too.”

“Kil-”

“ _ Killua _ ,” snapped Nanika, at Kikyo. “He likes to be called Killua.” Not that he could see them but he assumed Kikyo’s eyes were wide and shocked, especially since Nanika had been the one to correct her. He didn’t think much of it, because right now, he was bothered. They were silent by the time they got to Killua’s room. 

“Wait here,” said Killua, giving Gon a little push inside. “Canary should have alerted the rest of the butlers that we’re here, and you’re my guest anyways, so you should be fine staying here. I need to talk to Alluka for a minute.”

Gon’s eyes widened as he reached out to grab Killua’s sleeve. 

“Wait-”

Killua slammed the door and then walked Alluka further down the hallway then into the library before closing the door and letting out a long awaited sigh. Alluka loosened her grip on him and looked up.

“It’s been four years, I thought… We haven’t had an issue….” Alluka started rambling, her bottom lip quivering. “She didn’t even see me as her child. At all.” Killua’s heart had just  _ broken  _ looking at his sister’s hurt face. She didn’t deserve this. Someone as kind as her that never did anything wrong didn’t deserve to be treated with such disrespect.

“Hey, you’re not a monster,” said Killua, brushing some of the tears off her face. “You’re my little sister, and that’s all that matters. If they don’t want to be your family, just remember that I always will be.”

“I just wanted to reconnect, but-”

“Don’t worry about it,” said Killua, giving her a little hug. Everything in his body was torn from giving her the “I told you so” schtick and letting it slide. “I kind of expected this to happen.”  
“I _know_ ,” said Alluka, angrily. “But I wanted to _try_ at least, you know? It was a risk, and I really had hope that everything would work out. I _know_ that you thought it wouldn’t. But you didn’t even want to let me try.”

“You’re still on about that? We’re  _ literally _ here right now,” snapped Killua on instinct. Alluka looked away from him and pouted. 

“Of course I’m  _ still on about that _ , you think you know so much better than me just because you’re older. And so what if you were right, there was a chance you would be wrong, too,” said Alluka. “You were wrong about bringing Gon, afterall.”

“That  _ has _ been bothering me, come to speak of it,” said Killua, narrowing his eyes. “Illumi basically drilled it into my head that assassins couldn’t have friends. Maybe it was the fact that I’ve talked about Gon and they know him that has warmed them up to the idea. But who knows, it could be anything at this point.”

“And you were still  _ wrong, _ ” said Alluka, not giving this up.

“Yeah, and? I’m not perfect,” said Killua, crossing his arms. If she was going to point out trivial mistakes in order to further her argument she’d need to work a lot harder than that. 

“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately,” said Alluka, giving him a bit of sass. “About how you think you know some things about me better than I do. And I think we both have a problem about that. We both assume we know how each other feel. I’ll admit it. I see myself as observant, and I feel I’ve picked up on some things. I guess that’s a problem, though because you’re just so oblivious to it. Ever since Gon’s been back it’s become really obvious to me that you’re-”

Alluka’s statement got cut off.

“Why’d you ditch me?” asked Gon, opening up the door. He had a worried look on his face laced with frustration and confusion.

“Uhg, not now, can’t you tell we’re having a moment,” said Killua, gesturing towards Alluka, who still had her eyes red and puffy from the tears. He immediately felt a twinge of guilt by snapping at Gon, who looked completely taken aback. Everything was just so tense right now. 

“I didn’t mean to intrude. Everything happened so fast, and I got confused… What’s going on?”

“Nothing’s going on, nothing’s wrong,” said Alluka, wiping her eyes off. “I’m just disappointed that my family still doesn’t think I’m part of them, because of…” Nanika looked up at him.

“Killua, hug~” said Nanika, almost tackling him with a hug, squeezing him tightly. Killua wrapped his arms around his sister and looked over at Gon.

“Just family stuff,” he said, but it left a sour taste in his mouth. Alluka was trying to tell him something, but she had gotten cut off by Gon. He wondered what that was about. Was he really not being true to himself about something? Knowing Alluka, that could refer to just about anything. 

“I think I just need some time to think,” said Alluka, giving Killua an intense, complicated look. “I’m going to browse the library a bit. You two catch up, or something.” Killua grabbed Gon by the forearm. Alluka was right, she probably needed some time. 

“Come on, let’s go,” said Killua, starting to drag him out of the room. Gon pulled his arm away. 

“Alluka, are you sure you’re okay?” asked Gon, softening his voice. 

“She’s fine-”

“Let her answer,” snapped Gon. Killua recoiled. Had he been trying to make decisions for her again? Damn it. 

“I appreciate the concern; I’m fine,” said Alluka. Killua wished he could believe it, but she did say she needed time. It was probably better to give her a little bit so that she could be alone and process her thoughts. He sometimes needed to do that too, there wasn’t any harm in needing a break from being around people for a while. 

“Just let us know if you need anything,” said Gon. “I’m always willing to listen if you want to talk.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” said Alluka, before waving them off. The two walked back to Killua’s room in silence. In the back of his mind, two conflicting thoughts mingled with each other. Did Alluka just need some alone time, or would she see this as him abandoning her to go run off with Gon? Her feeling abandoned again was the  _ worst _ case scenario, but she really just might need time to clear her head. Ahg, he shouldn’t be stressing about this. Everyone just needed to take some time off and relax a bit. That’s right, he just needed to clear his head. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary of the Kikyo scene if you skipped it  
> -Kikyo is pleased to see that Killua is back but pissed that he brought Alluka with him  
> -Much to Killua's surprise, Kikyo doesn't really seem to mind him dating Gon, despite the fact that "assassins shouldn't have friends"  
> -Kikyo is rude to Alluka to her face. Killua and Gon stand up for her, but Kikyo isn't having it.  
> -Killua wants Alluka to be allowed at dinner and for people to treat her with respect by calling her by her name, but apparently that's too much to ask.   
> -Eventually Killua decides to remove the group from the altercation  
> \----  
> We've finally made it to the Zoldyck Estate >w< please lmk your thoughts!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Are you sure we should be doing this?”

Gon was silent all the way back to his room. He looked like he was deep in thought about something. Killua lifted his hand up to grab Gon on the shoulder but paused before he could. If something was wrong, Gon would tell him, right? He wore his heart on his sleeve; if something was bothering him he would surely bring it up. Killua gave him a few more seconds as they walked back to the room. Yes, he was probably just processing what happened. 

“This might be selfish of me, but-” 

Killua glanced over at him as he turned around right outside his room. Gon diverted eye contact and looked over to the side. 

“What is it?”

“It’s….” Gon’s bottom lip was teased between his teeth as he looked back over at Killua. “I just….” There was a pause. 

“Is this about Alluka? I feel like you’re trying to dance around bringing that up again. Don’t worry, I’m okay talking about what just happened,” reassured Killua. Gon seemed to deflate slightly. Was this a good thing, or a bad thing, though?

“Of course.” 

Killua opened the door for the both of them, then sat down on his bed. It had been a while since he’d been here, but the rest of the room looked pretty much the exact same way he left it. Maybe it was a little bit neater. Killua patted the part of the bed next to him. Gon sat down, his legs bouncing on the side of the bed as they dangled down. He looked like he was deep in thought about something, his eyebrows scrunched together, and his hands folded in his lap. 

Killua had explained the situation surrounding Alluka and her place in the family before, but he didn’t like talking about his family life more than he needed to. It seemed like every time he mentioned something, people would freak out about it, and it just made an uncomfortable situation for everyone involved. If he could avoid it, he only spoke about it now when necessary. Gon already knew that Alluka had been sealed away for a really long time, he’d mentioned it when he introduced Alluka to him. But they hadn’t really brought it up again. Gon never usually pressed for information. He was good like that, but sometimes, Killua wished he were just a bit more curious, that way he could have an excuse to say things. Now was a great time to explain this. 

“My family thinks that Nanika is dangerous because they didn’t take the time to understand her. Because of that, they don’t see Alluka as part of the family. They used to keep her secluded for long periods of time, and because of that, it became normalized that she wasn’t like us. Alluka wants to change that.” He summarized it as concisely as he could. “They also don’t realize that she’s a girl because they never took the time to actually understand her and brushed it off. But apparently our  _ mother _ didn’t even give her the common courtesy of addressing her like a person.” Killua noticed Gon’s hands bunching up some of the comforter beneath him. 

“No wonder you didn’t want to take Alluka back here,” said Gon, visibly upset. “Your mother was  _ terrible _ to her! I knew we were going to run into trouble, because you brought it up over the phone, but the conversation with your mom we just had….. Hearing her say those  _ horrible _ things to your sister feels so much worse.” His expression had changed, slightly. Killua hadn’t noticed it before, but now that Gon was talking about the Alluka situation, he looked  _ less _ … dejected? He looked a lot more  _ determined _ now, that was a change. Killua closed and opened his eyes again to make sure he wasn’t missing anything. No, he was right, Gon’s expression had definitely changed. 

“Unfortunately, yeah. She wanted to come back to try to fit in with the rest of us again,” said Killua. “But obviously that’s not going to work. Even if she gets invited to dinner, I don’t expect them to treat her with respect. Especially not my parents or Illumi.”

“That’s a worst case scenario,” said Gon. “If we seat her at the far end of the table do you think we can just have her avoid interactions with them in general?” Killua thought about that for a moment. 

“While Alluka  _ does _ want to interact with the others, maybe we can just use that so she can interact with my brothers instead? And in the meantime, we can keep them distracted,” said Killua, nodding his head. “My mom might have been okay with the  _ idea _ of us dating, but if she sees it in practice, it might actively piss her off.”

“Are you sure we should be doing this?”

Gon’s words seemed to freeze all time around Killua.

“Well, do you have a better idea? What are you going to do, try to pick a fight with my parents or something to distract them? Any one of them could slit your throat before you can say our last name,” said Killua, crossing his arms. 

“I just, I wanted to make sure we were on the same page, that’s all,” said Gon. “Since you’re using our fake relationship as a  _ distraction _ .”

“Yeah.”

  
“I….” Gon stalled. “Is this tasteless?” Killua knit his eyebrows together.

“Isn’t that the point? To be tacky and over the top so that we draw attention?”

Gon thought about this for a second, his face looking like it went through the five stages of grief before he looked up.

“Well, as long as you’re okay with that, I can play along a bit longer,” he said, slowly. He seemed to be awkwardly fidgeting in his spot. A thought crossed Killua’s mind, something he’d actually been wondering since the bathroom incident that just got brought up again when they had the altercation with Kikyo.

“Can I ask a weird question?” asked Killua, shifting around on his bed so he was sitting on his feet as he faced his friend. Gon nodded. 

“Those are always the best kinds of questions.”

  
“Have you ever kissed someone before?”

Gon looked startled at first, but then seemed to warm up to it.

“That’s not a weird question. But yes, I have,” he answered. Killua raised an eyebrow at him. Half of him assumed this was referring to the times when he was on Whale Island and used to go on “dates”, but half of him also wondered if he had met anyone through these years that they’d been apart. Was he in a relationship now? Had he ever been in one? Killua’s mind started to race with questions that had never even crossed his mind before now. If Gon had gotten into a relationship, would they talk about it? Or did Gon just assume Killua wouldn’t be interested in hearing about that kind of thing. Killua dismissed the thoughts from his mind. He was insatiably curious, though, but decided that it would distract from the current plan of action if Gon spilled  _ those _ beans.

“Interesting, so you  _ do  _ have kissing experience,” said Killua. He chewed lightly on the inside of his bottom lip. How to put this without offending him…. Teasing! That always worked. He looked up. “So why were you so nervous when I gave you a kiss? It happened both times. If we want to act like a couple convincingly, I can’t have you out of commission every time we kiss.” It  _ was _ cute, but Killua wasn’t just about to admit that. 

“I wasn’t nervous!” exclaimed Gon, crossing his arms. 

“Oh yeah? Your face totally got all red and blushy,” said Killua, giving him a poke on the cheek. “And you looked completely shocked.”

“It did  _ not _ ,” said Gon, sternly. “I don’t blush that often.”

“I can prove it,” said Killua, grabbing Gon’s phone that had fallen from his pocket onto the bed. “Hold still.” 

“Hey!” said Gon, but it was too late. Killua cupped his left hand on the back of Gon’s head and pulled him closer, brushing a chaste kiss upon his lips before leaning away. He then quickly snapped a picture of Gon’s frazzled reaction. 

“I’d send this to myself but I’m not sure if this phone can receive images,” joked Killua, holding the photo out for Gon to see once he had come to his senses again. “See? You’re  _ totally _ dazed.”

Gon’s cheeks blushed a deep red now. Killua looked down at the picture again and felt his own cheeks heating up. Gon  _ did _ look really cute. 

“Killua, do  _ you _ have practice?” Gon’s sudden question had the exact same effect on Killua that his kiss did on Gon. 

“What do you mean by that?”

“I just assumed that since you’re so casual about this that it’s probably not a bit deal to you,” said Gon, expression softening. 

“Nah, the kiss I gave you in the bathroom earlier was actually my first one,” admitted Killua. “I guess I’m just comfortable doing it, especially since it’s with you.”

“Oh,” said Gon, who had started to hold back a smile but then gave up halfway through. His hands drifted up to his mouth, fingers brushing lightly over his lips. “Wait, I have  _ your _ first kiss?!” Killua shrugged. 

“When you put it like that, it’s a bit embarrassing. I’d rather it be with you then someone I’m not going to see again,” said Killua. “Especially since I’ve never been in a relationship. I haven’t really had the time for all of that romance stuff, seems like a lot of work.” Since leaving the Zoldyck estate six years ago, the one constant that had remained in Killua’s life was Gon. He felt at ease when they were together, as if everything just made sense. 

“Can I try something?” asked Gon, with a smirk on his face. Killua raised an eyebrow. 

“Oh?”

“I think I figured it out,” said Gon, his eyes full of mischief. “But I need to test it out.” Suddenly, Killua’s eyes widened as Gon leaned in and pressed their lips together. 

It felt a  _ lot _ different this time. Gon had just kissed  _ him _ . Out of  _ nowhere _ . Killua felt his body tense up the moment it happened, but as Gon pulled away, he noticed that both his hands which were resting on his bed had tensed up so much that his nails had sharpened. Okay, maybe Gon had a point. Getting kissed out of nowhere was just surprising, wasn’t it. No wonder Gon had short circuited the other times. No worry though, now that he knew what it felt like, he could adjust his behavior accordingly. 

“Ha, you’re blushing too,” said Gon, giving Killua a little poke on the cheek. Killua felt his cheeks heat up a little more than the already had been, apparently. He suddenly wished he had assassin training for this so it wouldn’t be as embarrassing. This meant war. Killua leaned in and gave Gon another kiss on the lips. 

“You’re blushing more now,” said Killua smugly. Gon tilted his head to the side. 

“Oh? Is this a competition now? Because I’m sure I can make you blush more than you ever have in your life before-”

“That’s not that hard, I never blush.”

Gon looked at him, dumbfounded. 

_ “Seriously?” _

Killua’s mind absolutely  _ melted _ as their mouths came together again, feeling his hands grab onto Gon this time instead of the bedsheets. He was warm, a comfortable warm. His head started to spin as Gon pushed him down onto the bed backwards, straddling his lap as they continued to make out as if they were never going to see each other again. 

He should probably stop; how much kissing was  _ too _ much kissing for fake dating? This was just practice afterall. Right, practice. Obviously if they wanted to get good at something, they would have to practice with it. Gon certainly didn’t seem like he was slowing down, especially not with the addition of tongue. Killua felt himself subconsciously pulling Gon closer and closer to him before another feeling of dread welled up deep down inside him. 

Alluka was having a crisis, and he was here just  _ making out _ with Gon. No, he shouldn’t feel guilty, this wasn’t  _ for _ him, this was for…. He couldn’t finish that thought before turning his cheek into Gon’s mouth to glance over at the door which had started to creek open. 

“Milluki, get  _ out _ of my room!” exclaimed Killua, chucking a pillow from his bed over at him. “Knock, next time.” Gon  _ snapped _ off Killua and sat on his knees with his back awkwardly straight. He wiped his mouth down to erase all the evidence but Killua figured Milluki already knew what had been happening. He suddenly felt a  _ huge _ wave of embarrassment wash over him.

“You shouldn’t be dropping your guard like this,” sneered Milluki from the doorway. Killua rolled his eyes at him and backed away from Gon as well, bumping into the backboard of his bed. Even though they weren’t  _ really _ dating, or doing anything too scandalous, it still felt like they were caught in the act. Killua hoped his face wasn’t still red, but he could tell Gon still looked a bit flustered. Great, Milluki was probably making all sorts of weird assumptions about- Wait. That was the point. Duh. He and Gon weren’t just making out for no reason, of course.

“Mom was really mad at you during your argument. She said you almost attacked her.”

“And rightfully so! She was being so rude to poor Alluka-” Gon’s words were cut off. 

“Why did you hold back? You made her cry,” said Milluki, tracing a pretend tear down his face. “She worries you’ve gone soft.”

“Honestly cut the bullshit. I’d make a joke off that at you, but I don’t want you to go crying to her because I hurt your feelings,” snarked Killua. That shut Milluki temporarily. “I know I’m back, but that doesn’t mean that I’m considering taking over the position as the heir. Think of this as just me paying a visit of sorts.” Milluki raised an eyebrow as he looked over at Gon.

“Mom told me you had a boyfriend,” said Milluki, giving him a good look up and down. “He’s kind of short.”

“He’s  _ perfect _ sized,” snapped Killua, causing Gon to crack up with laughter. 

“Keep it to yourself, Kil,  _ damn _ ,” said Milluki, making a gagging noise. “I talked to Mom. About the whole Alluka situation.”

“And?”

Killua glared at him.

“I’ll put it as bluntly as I can. She really likes you,” said Milluki, rolling his eyes. “She’s willing to put up with a few things just so she can stay on your good side. I think she wants to try to convince you to come back home more frequently, or get interested in the business again.”

“Yeah, I know that,” said Killua, leaning so that his back was against the wall of his room. “So let me guess, whatever she’s doing, it’s for me and not Alluka.”

“Now you’re thinking. She’s allowing Alluka to eat with us, but he’s going to be on the end of the table away from her, and she also said that-” 

“Hey, just for future reference, Alluka’s a woman,” interrupted Killua. “We already have enough stress to deal with because of how most of the family treats her, we don’t need to add anything else to the pile.”

“My bad,” said Milluki, not faltering. “Mom said she’s not responsible for anything that Illumi says to her. You know how Illumi views her, you know what I’m talking about.” Killua felt a bit of relief wash over himself at Milluki’s casual switch. Maybe this wasn’t going to be a  _ complete _ shitshow. A  _ partial _ shitshow, perhaps. 

“He thinks she’s a tool,” Killua chipped in so Gon could understand the situation better. “Nothing more than an ability to harness and use. Alright. At least she’s making a little bit of an effort. I’ll let Alluka know.” Milluki nodded before standing still awkwardly in the doorway. 

“Need something?” asked Killua, rudely. 

“I have a few new games that haven’t gone on market yet,” said Milluki, glancing over at him and Gon. “But I see you’re, uh,  _ preoccupied.” _ Gon stifled a little laugh.

“We weren’t really doing anything,” said Gon, to which Milluki raised an eyebrow at. “I swear.” Milluki didn’t address the obvious and just kept talking.

“A few of them are multiplayer. If you guys want to stop by before dinner, we can catch up a bit.”

“4 player?”

“Some of them are-”

“Alluka did want to bond with the family,” said Killua, getting up off the bed. “To make up for some of the time she lost. This is a good opportunity for it.”

“Is she any good?”

“Not as good as me, but she’s definitely a worthy opponent,” bragged Killua. “And a fast learner, too.”

“Alright, I don’t really have a problem with that,” shrugged Milluki. Killua smiled. He didn’t really know how to anticipate everyone’s reactions to Alluka, but he did know that Milluki had used her to get a computer a while back. He expected Milluki to treat her as more of a  _ tool _ , but it seemed as if he just…. Didn’t mind her existence? Perhaps this was for the better. His grandfather was a total mixed case. He had  _ no _ idea how he saw Alluka. But he knew that his parents and Illumi were going to be much more of a hassle to deal with. 

“Don’t look so sad, I’ll hang out with you too,” teased Killua. Milluki rolled his eyes. “Hey Gon, don’t worry if Milluki beats you in whatever game we play, it’s all he does every day.”

“That’s not true and you know it,” scoffed Milluki. Gon rolled his eyes. 

“Like I’d lose,” said Gon, crossing his arms. “You’re just saying that to me to make up for if you lose.”

“It’s true, he’s giving himself a failsafe,” added Milluki. “He’s not good at video games anyways, he gets too sidetracked trying to go for what he likes to call “sick moves” rather than completing the objective.”

“ _ Both _ of you are ganging up on me? Totally unfair. And besides, what’s the point of winning if you’re not doing it with style,” said Killua, pursing his lips. “Being able to win  _ and _ showing off, that’s just the best feeling.”

“More excuses for when you lose-”

“Gon, I will make you lose so badly that-’

“Stop flirting, you’re driving me nuts,” said Milluki as they left the room. “Keep it in the bedroom.”

“We weren’t f-” Killua said before he realized that he and Gon  _ had _ just been teasing each other. He supposed that even if it wasn’t on purpose that it still technically could have been counted as flirting. This was going to be a lot easier than he thought it would be if he could irritate Milluki with the fake dating without even giving any active effort. Excellent. 

“One second,” said Killua, stopping by the library. He peered in, to see Alluka sitting by the window, looking outside. “Hey, Alluka, Milluki invited Gon and I to go play some video games in his room, do you want to come?”

“I’m invited?” she asked, though it felt more as if she were asking herself than Killua.

“Yeah, you’re coming to dinner, too.”

Alluka’s face lit up, and for the first time since they showed up at the Zoldyck estate, she looked genuinely happy. It just warmed his heart to see her like that. He suddenly realized why she had been so insistent on wanting to come. This was something she had wanted for a while, and despite Kikyo being an absolute  _ dick _ earlier, that didn’t mean everyone would be. Maybe it was better that Alluka would be seated way on the opposite side of the table, that way she didn’t have to interact with Kikyo. It was probably for the best. But for now, he could release some stress and not think about it. He just needed to focus on absolutely crushing them all at whatever video games Milluki had, while also making sure to show off his technical skill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up, because of some irl stuff, I'm probably not going to post again this week. Next chapter will likely come next week.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What’s wrong with me?"

“If you count up all the points from every other round  _ except _ the practice round, I technically won,” said Killua, before he was cut off by Gon, who was still fiddling with the joystick of his controller in a frustrated manner. 

“Who would even use that metric, it’s totally bullshit. If we just add up the points for every round where I was playing a character with green shoes then I’d win by a landslide,” explained Gon, looking over towards Alluka and Milluki for some solace. 

“That’s ridiculous though-”

“Yeah, but it’s what you sound like, didn’t we agree that last game said the winner-”

“What, Gon, do you not want me to be a winner?” pouted Killua. Gon smirked at him before giving him a little head pat, ruffling his fluffy hair. He mentally thanked himself for the makeout session they had earlier, because that made these little touches so much less embarrassing compared to  _ that _ . 

“Sure you can be a winner,” he said, smirking. “Just not at the game.”

“ _ Get a room _ ,” muttered Milluki under his breath. “How do you put up with this all the time?” Alluka shrugged. 

“Killua doesn’t get too competitive with me when we play video games because I always win,” she said, looking at the scoreboard which had her in first place. “But if you mean the constant flirting, well, that’s easy. It’s mostly over the phone so I only hear our brother’s dumb comments.” 

“My comments are not  _ dumb _ they’re full of love-”

There was a knock on the door, interrupting whatever cringeworthy sentence Killua was trying to say. 

“I could hear you guys from all the way down the hallway,” said Kalluto, through the door. “Are you really playing games without me?”

“Yes,” confirmed Killua. Kalluto opened the door. He hadn’t seen his youngest brother in six years, since the time he came home from the hunter exam. He wasn’t quite as tall as the rest of their family members yet, but he was just a little bit taller than Gon at this point.

“Hmmm,” hmm’d Kalluto. He looked around the room, and spotted Alluka. He kept a blank look on his face as he just  _ stared _ at her. 

“What?” said Killua, noticing the thousand yard stare. 

“Nothing, I’m just thinking about how much you don’t look like Illu-nii,” Kalluto said to Alluka, ignoring the fact that Killua was the one who asked the question. “I mean, because you both have long black hair. You look a bit more lively. He has that look about him, you know.” As he said that, waved his hand over his eyes. Killua raised an eyebrow. Kalluto was certainly one to judge, especially since his own hair was long enough to be tied into the low ponytail he had. 

“Thanks, I sure hope so,” said Alluka, giving her younger brother a grin. 

“I’m guessing it’s dinnertime,” said Milluki, turning off the console. 

“Who won?” asked Kalluto.

“Do  _ not _ get them started with that,” said Milluki, pointing at Killua and Gon. “Just between you and me,  _ I _ won, but-”

“I won the last game though, that’s the one that counted,” added Alluka. Milluki rolled his eyes at her. Just a few hours ago, he’d been showing her the ropes on how to play, and Alluka politely listened. Her first few games had been a bit shaky, but as soon as she got into her groove, Milluki had immediately regretted showing her all of the complicated combo hit patterns. 

“Well, actually,-” started Killua before Gon wrapped his arms around him. 

“I’ll give you a kiss if we agree to say that Alluka won,” teased Gon. Killua smirked. 

“No way am I giving up my victory. I’ll just get a kiss myself,” said Killua, leaning in before he was met with Gon’s palm to his face. “What the hell, Gon!”

“Pay to play. This currency unlocks the DLC.”

“Fine, no kiss for you, then,” said Killua, closing both his eyes and crossing his arms before opening one to see how frustrated Gon was with him. 

“You didn’t mention anything about being in a relationship.” Kalluto looked over at Gon, his eyes tracing up and down as if he were getting a full scan of him or something. “And he’s so cute, too.”

Killua stopped squirming and looked at Kalluto, jaw dropped.

“Are… are you hitting on my boyfriend?” 

He was in complete shock. The absolute  _ audacity _ of this kid. 

Kalluto shrugged, still not taking his eyes off Gon. 

“If I had a boyfriend that cute, I’d probably talk about him a lot,” said Kalluto, a bit shyly. “Give him lots of compliments.”

“Kalluto,  _ stop  _ being horny,” sniped Milluki. Kalluto looked at him, taken aback. 

“I’m not being…. I…. what…. Uhg, nevermind, I forgot I can’t speak my mind around here,” said Kalluto, before looking back over at Gon. “You’re welcome to sit next to me at the table, though.”

“ _ Alluka _ will be sitting next to Gon,” said Killua, strategically sealing up the seat next to Gon. The thought of Kalluto flirting with him at dinner was a bit  _ too _ much to handle. Seriously, his own brother flirting with his boyfriend… Fake boyfriend. Right. Still, he didn’t want Kalluto hitting on Gon at  _ all _ . Fake boyfriend or not, it made him feel  _ weird _ . 

“Tch,” said Kalluto under his breath. “Of course.”

“What’s  _ that _ supposed to mean,” snapped Killua, glaring at him. Kalluto continued to look at him, obviously pissed off, but at the same time he seemed calm. He didn’t appear as emotionally devoid as Illumi did, but the resemblance was certainly uncanny. 

“You’re not very observant, are you, Killu,” said Kalluto, giving him the side eye. Killua looked at the others. 

“Give me a minute, we’ll catch up to the rest of you,” said Killua, trying to shoo everyone else away so he could figure out what Kalluto was being so _anal_ about right now.   
“You sure?” asked Alluka. Killua nodded. The moment they were out of sight, he returned Kalluto’s glare. 

“Are you  _ trying _ to start a fight?” 

Kalluto flipped his hair over his shoulder. 

“Not particularly,” he said, looking over to the side. “Unless you want one.”

“First of all, cut it out with Gon, okay?”

“I wasn’t doing anything, I was just mentioning how cute I found him, is there any harm in that? Surely if you’re not insecure in your relationship with him, that shouldn’t matter, should it?” said Kalluto, innocently. Killua knew it was anything  _ but _ that. His little brother had always been the observant type, he most likely picked up on something weird. 

“Fine, whatever,” said Killua, running a hand through his hair as he thought back to the conversation. “But that’s not what this is really about, is it?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Killua thought for a moment. Kalluto might have been trying to rile him up with the Gon comments, but the seating comment was obviously a trap. He had to have known Killua wouldn’t want him sitting next to Gon. But instead of putting Alluka there, was the preferred reaction that he asked Kalluto to sit next to himself? Suddenly, it hit him. How had he not noticed it before. 

“You’re jealous of Alluka, aren’t you,” probed Killua. Kalluto’s expression faltered, just for a second, but Killua caught it. He had hit the nail right on the end. 

“Do you know how long I looked for you when you first left?” asked Kalluto, raising his voice. “I even joined the spiders. I wanted to bring you back, not just because I thought you should be home, but because it wasn’t the same without you gone. It was… different. Mom and Dad talked about you a  _ lot _ , even though you were gone. For a while, I kind of wanted to join you…” Kalluto’s cheeks flushed red as his voice lowered from his one line of shouting. 

“But then you came home, didn’t you? And it wasn’t even to pay  _ me _ a visit. You came back for  _ Alluka _ . And then you two got to stay together for  _ years _ . You never even reached out to me.”

“Alluka was literally  _ locked _ in a room in our house for  _ years _ ,” said Killua, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I didn’t just run off with her for no reason, this was a bad place for her to be living. It wasn’t a good fit.”

“How would you have felt if after you took Alluka out of the room, she went off and decided to live with Illumi.”

He couldn’t say it out loud. There was  _ no _ way he could say Kalluto’s questions were stupid without offending him and making things worse. 

“Look, Kalluto, I know where this is going,” said Killua, ignoring the question in its entirety. “But can we please just put any hostility you have towards me or Alluka away for dinner? I really don’t want to deal with this-”

“What’s wrong with me? Why can’t you like me,” blurted out Kalluto. “What does she have that I don’t? What am I doing wrong?”

“Hey, calm  _ down _ ,” said Killua, a little bit too forceful than he meant to. He rested a hand on Kalluto’s shoulder to help just  _ ground _ him in place for a moment. “Just….” He looked Kalluto in the eyes. He looked  _ scared _ . Scared that Killua would reject him? Scared that he had just completely screwed up and ruined their relationship forever? Killua paused, before giving him a hug. 

“Wh-”

“Shh, just calm down for a second,” said Killua. It hit him, all of a sudden. All of the  _ guilt _ . To Kalluto, he must have been his role model. Someone he aspired to be like. Kalluto was the youngest of the siblings. Illumi and Milluki were so far away in age, that he probably couldn’t make as good connections with them as siblings. From Kalluto’s perspective, it probably  _ did _ feel like Killua was abandoning him. That wasn’t the intention, obviously, but he’d never considered it before. It still  _ clearly _ bothered him. “I know this probably feels really weird. We didn’t really grow up getting hugged. But trust me, it works.”

“I… I…” Kalluto seemed to untense for a second, before Killua let him go. Shit, where was he going with this? He knew how to de escalate things from any time Alluka would get overwhelmed, but where to go next? It wasn’t as if he knew his brother that well… Wait, that’s it. 

“I guess I haven’t been a very good big brother to you,” said Killua, giving him a sympathetic glance. “I’ll tell you what. You can sit next to me at dinner. What have you been up to, anyways, troupe stuff?” Kalluto’s eyes lit up. Yep, that was  _ exactly _ what he was looking for. Killua sighed with relief. Crisis averted. 

He supposed it was kind of in the same vein that Alluka was in, with her wanting to reconnect with the family and form some bonds. Killua felt an awkwardness rise from the bottom of his stomach up into his chest. Did he just  _ not _ want to connect with them? He knew the relationship he had with his family was complicated, but…. Kalluto never did anything to wrong him. Milluki had his list of offenses, but those were….ordered from Kikyo… He was a total mama’s boy when they were younger. And Illumi took things into his own hands, but… were those just orders from Silva, or from acting like a third parent to him? He’d been there in his life a  _ lot _ more than Kikyo had, but…. Killua felt the sickening feeling twist into something a bit more. No, they were just like this because they were raised as Zoldycks. If they were raised any other way, they wouldn’t be as efficient at killing as they were, it was necessary for the job-

Screw the job. Killua felt his sick feeling turning into that of slight anger. Alluka was right. He had his own reasons for not wanting to come back, and they just  _ weren’t _ related to her and her treatment. Damn. 

Killua looked down the hallway, and saw a butler walking in the intersection, going the other way. He then looked down the other hallway, and saw no one. He sighed. 

“Do you think we had a good childhood?”

“We didn’t  _ have _ a childhood,” said Kalluto, in a tone that he would have used for a joke, but they both  _ knew _ the full meaning of it. 

“Are you happy here?” 

Kalluto paused for a moment. He had a puzzled look on his face for at  _ least _ a minute, before speaking up. 

“I’m not home that often,” was all he said as a reply. Well,  _ that _ was a loaded answer. Killua narrowed his eyes. This could mean a variety of things. 

Firstly, it could mean that whatever his true answer was, he was trying to gauge where Killua stood on the issue. If he said yes, that he was happy here, and Killua didn’t feel the same way then perhaps it would hurt his chances of bonding with him. Or on the flipside, if he wasn’t happy but Killua was, then perhaps he’d complain about it to Kikyo. 

Secondly, it could mean that Kalluto couldn’t say his real answer because he noticed something Killua didn’t, like a butler at the end of the wall, or Kikyo herself listening in. There were cameras all over the estate, and Killua had strategically picked a blind spot to talk to Kalluto, but it wasn’t foolproof. Hell, they could have changed the locations of the cameras, or upgraded them. 

Thirdly, it could be simple. He might have been in Killua’s position, of just not  _ knowing _ how to feel about the whole situation. It was a bit more nuanced than “they were dicks to us in our childhood” then Killua could sum up. Maybe he was just remembering things worse than they were. Or remembering them  _ too _ normal. 

“I guess, if you ever want to talk about it, maybe we can talk,” said Killua, giving Kalluto a knowing glance. Kalluto nodded, but remained silent. Hopefully he hadn’t made things too awkward between them. “Come on, let’s head to dinner.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have suddenly decided that I like writing a very specific type of angst. 
> 
> The dinner chapter is next


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I can make my own decisions"

“You’re early to dinner, for once,” scoffed Zeno as Killua pulled up a seat with Gon on his right and Kalluto on his left. Killua smirked at the old man. 

“Nice to see you too, Gramps,” he said offhandedly. “You look older than I remember.” Zeno didn’t react much to it. Whether or not he thought it was an insult, or just banter, Killua couldn’t tell. It likely didn’t matter, though, he’d always had a bit of a mouth. 

“Looks like you didn’t quite reach your father’s height.”

“That’s probably somewhat your fault,” teased Killua. “Short genes.” He looked around the table, before noticing that his eldest brother still hadn’t made an appearance. It was odd. Maybe he was on a job? If he was lucky, maybe he wouldn’t show up-

No, he couldn’t make that assumption and get his hopes up for no reason, it would be cruel to himself. 

“Where’s Illumi?” 

Milluki made a  _ face _ across the dinner table at him, that honestly just confused Killua even more than he was already. He was obviously privy to some information that Killua wasn’t. Made sense, especially since he’d been gone for so long.

“Silva, can you call a butler to let Illumi know that it’s… dinnertime,” said Kikyo, smiling through her scowl. Silva whispered something in a butler’s ear. “In the meantime, it’s so nice of you to join us,  _ Kil _ .” 

He could feel the distaste in his mouth at Kikyo deliberately addressing him and him alone. On one hand, if she didn’t speak to or at Alluka at all, she couldn’t be the colossal bitch she had been earlier. But on the other hand, Alluka would still feel ignored. Essentially, it boiled down to if he wanted to completely divert attention or try to  _ bring _ attention. Alluka would definitely appreciate the latter. Could he pull it off, though?

“Well, I suppose it  _ has _ been a while since I’ve been back, right?” Killua opened up with, feeling immediately uncomfortable as he remembered the conversation he had with Kalluto. They didn’t eat dinner as a family very often. Obviously they’d be doing it to celebrate his return, but it made Killua feel a bit uneasy. This was just an obligation of them, not something that they would normally do. When he had been with Gon on Whale Island years ago to visit, the two of them ate meals together with Aunt Mito and Gon’s great grandmother every time. Was that what families were supposed to do? Well, his family had  _ never _ been normal, they weren’t  _ supposed _ to do anything. What would things have been like if they’d eaten dinner together? Of course they’d have to work around everyone’s assassin jobs, and they’d have to line everyone’s training up so they would have free time…. It made sense why they  _ didn’t _ eat together often. Despite being a family, everything was a bit disjointed. 

“Were you ever going to call? Or visit? You know, we thought it would be good for you to have a taste of the outside world after you rebelled the first time, but you went  _ way _ out of hand there,” asked Kikyo in her shrill voice, looking directly at him. Killua froze up for a second. But just a second.

“I’m a grown adult, I can fend for myself. Besides, I don’t have any interest in running things as the heir,” said Killua, holding out his glass so a butler could fill it with wine. 

“You’ve only recently become an “adult”,” said Silva, joining in on the conversation. “I see now that we made a mistake in letting this rebellious stage of yours go on for too long.”

“I was dreading coming back for a number of reasons, and you’ve managed to hit the check mark on one of them,” sassed Killua. “Look, you can say whatever you want, but I am  _ not _ going to be an assassin again.”

“Do you know how long we spent training you? How much care we put into making sure you had all of the best opportunities? And you’re going to throw that all away, for, that?” Kikyo said, pointing at Gon, who looked completely and utterly dumbfounded that he had enough presence to make it into the conversation. 

“Killua was already done with being an assassin before he met me,” snapped Gon. “That’s why we met at the  _ hunter _ exam.” Killua kicked Gon under the table, and then got a confused glance from him. Killua rolled his eyes as if to say “no, let them think that”. He felt himself getting frustrated as Gon ignored that. 

“You were more likely just a catalyst,” said Silva, crossing his hands over each other. “It’s true, Killua has had a problem with this for a while. I had hoped you had matured since the last time we had to have a little talk.”

“Oh, I’ve matured  _ plenty _ ,” said Killua, gripping the fork in his hand a bit tighter. 

“Kil..lua,” Kalluto said as he tugged on his sleeve. “You’re causing a scene.” Killua dropped the fork back down onto his napkin and took a long gulp of his wine. It was bitter, reminding himself that he didn’t actually like wine. 

“Perhaps it will take a few more years, he might take after his oldest brother,” said Zeno, adding his input. “He’s certainly mellowed out a bit.”

“Right…” said Silva, as if he were chewing on broken glass. “I’ll deal with that when I need to…” The air around the table suddenly felt a bit…. Stiff. There was  _ clearly _ something he was missing. Killua looked around the table, and saw Milluki Alluka and Gon chatting about something, probably another one of the other games Milluki had bought.

“You didn’t call me back just to lecture me, did you? Surely this didn’t have to take place during dinner,” said Killua, feeling himself grow hungrier as the food was _still_ not served on the plate. He was half tempted to ask them if they could eat without Illumi, but he didn’t need a lecture on manners right now.   
“We called you back because we wanted to see you again, Kil, is that too much to ask?” asked Kikyo, the insincerity dripping off her lips. 

“You want to talk to  _ me _ about what’s “too much” to ask? Really?” Killua felt himself getting riled up. How dare she talk to him like this. Especially when she was so cruel to Alluka earlier. Fuck this. “You won’t even treat your daughter like a real person because you never took the time to understand her. You  _ tortured _ the emotional expression out of Illumi, emotionally  _ manipulated  _ Milluki into doing your bidding for you, locked away and neglected Alluka for years, and compiled little bits and pieces from everything we experienced and stuffed it into Kalluto after you saw what worked and didn’t work from all of us  _ failed _ kids.”

“ _ You’re  _ not a failure, just confused-” Kikyo started to say.

Killua felt his sharp nails digging into the palms of his hands bringing himself back to reality. 

“How did you miss literally  _ everything _ I just said-”

“Killua, that’s  _ enough _ . Cause a scene again and I’m going to ask you to meet me outside,” said Silva. A shiver went up and down Killua’s spine as every punishment he’d ever received resurfaced in his mind. Would he get locked in the cellar until he decided to “repent” for his actions? Would he be forced to repeat the same physically taxing task until Silva was pleased with his improvement? Would Kikyo tell Milluki to just “think of something”? It didn’t matter. Anything they could do to him, he’d already experienced it, and  _ worse _ . He didn’t need to be stressed, now. But he couldn’t get taken away from the dinner table, he needed to keep an eye on Alluka. 

Killua felt Gon’s hand resting on his shoulder and immediately snapped out of his daze. That’s right, Gon was here, too. He wasn’t alone. 

“I just want to take a moment to brag a little bit, if I may,” said Killua, narrowing his eyes at his parents. “Four years,  _ zero _ incidents. No deaths linked to Alluka. She’s been an  _ angel _ since I’ve moved her away from here. It’s almost as if the issue isn’t _ her, _ it’s that everyone who makes wishes is greedy and cruel.”

“Killua,” hissed Gon in his ear. “What are you  _ doing _ you’re bringing attention to her. You’re going off plan-” Killua just kicked his leg under the table, getting a  _ ruder  _ kick back from Gon. He knew what he was doing. Alluka didn’t just want to be ignored at the table, she wanted to connect with the family. Worst case, he could just draw attention away with Gon. That’s why he brought him, after all. 

“Before you go any further, I will have you know that Illumi has figured out that little trick of yours,” said Silva, still not taking his eyes off Killua. He felt his entire body go cold. Little trick? No, no, no, no, there was no way that Illumi knew that….. “You’re immune to all of  _ her  _ conditions. So to say that you have her under control is a complete lie and we all know that, don’t we?”

Killua took a deep breath. He could fix this. Sure, Silva called him out and got him out of his element, but this was nothing he couldn’t weasel his way out of.

“Is it really though?” said Killua, gesturing over towards Alluka. “She’s not a monster, you just haven’t understood her. She’s a  _ person _ with thoughts and feelings, and Nanika is, too. She’s not a little kid anymore, she can clearly articulate her views. If you’d ever bothered to talk to her, maybe you’d know that.”

“Well, maybe I will just have to have a talk with her after dinner then,” said Silva. Killua tried to read his expression, but he was stone faced. What did this mean? Was it a threat? Was it him agreeing? He wished he could just outright ask his father, but Silva tended to play the long game now, didn’t he? That’s what he was trying to do with Gon, wasn’t he? There was no way he would just give him that much leeway. Suddenly, Killua realized something he had completely overlooked before. Silva had gendered Alluka correctly. He went silent, taking another sip of mine as he tried to think back and remember if he had gendered Alluka first or if Silva did. He couldn’t remember. Was this to let Killua know that he respected Alluka more than Kikyo did subtly, or was it a manipulation tactic to lull him into a false sense of security. Curse these fucking mind games. 

Killua totally missed the conversation that had sprung up at the table as he was deep in his thoughts. In fact, he was totally out of it until he saw a sight that made his stomach do a flip. Not only did Illumi show up, but he showed up with a  _ guest _ . 

Killua had grown up with these people. He knew what to mentally prepare himself for before he showed up. Nothing could have prepared himself for the distinct presence of a certain  _ clown _ in the room. Technically, a magician, but even in his mental plane he wouldn’t give him that common courtesy.

“Hisoka?” exclaimed Gon, out of pure shock. Looks like he also wasn’t expecting their long time….(acquaintance? What was his relation to him... Didn’t matter, actually) to show up. Killua eyed Hisoka over. Not that he thought his brother would be able to get into a normal relationship, but somehow ending up with Hisoka felt more foreign than if Illumi just had some normal person… 

Hisoka looked him dead in the eyes as he slipped the collar of his neck piece slightly to the side to adjust it. It was brief, but Killua’s eyes were met with a discolored mark on Hisoka’s neck. Killua had been drinking some water to give him an excuse not to be speaking. He was now choking on said sip of water. Hisoka just grinned as he began to start a conversation on the other side of the table. Killua wiped his mouth awkwardly with his napkin. Hisoka was a pervert, he knew this. But the mark was on  _ his  _ neck, meaning… That meant his brother and Hisoka had…. NO. NOPE. His brain was NOT going there. He assassinated that thought before it could go any further.

“Illu-nii’s boyfriend is also very handsome,” said Kalluto, squirming a little in his seat. “I don’t judge you for staring at him like that.” 

The disgust on Killua’s face was enough to shut Kalluto up from commenting anymore. Not one, but  _ two _ of his brothers had the hots for the  _ clown? Seriously?  _

“Illumi has a  _ what _ now….?” Killua muttered under his breath, before looking up to face his brother. “Illumi, what the fuck is he doing here.”

It was what he was thinking, but Killua didn’t expect himself to just blurt it out like that. 

“Language, Killua,” said Kikyo. Killua looked at her, dumbfounded, before ignoring her. 

“Care to explain why you so rudely made us wait?” asked Silva.

“It was Hisoka’s fault,” said Illumi, almost instantly. 

“We can see that.” Milluki laughed under his breath but was shut up by Illumi turning to face him with his expressionless eyes. 

“Outside,” said Silva, grabbing Illumi by the arm and dragging him out of the room. All of the Zoldyck siblings went dead silent. Killua felt uneasy. If he hadn’t riled his parents up earlier, they wouldn’t have immediately jumped to punish him. 

“Isn’t Illumi almost thirty-” Gon started to whisper into Killua’s ear. 

“My parents still have authority over him,” Killua whispered back. Gon knit his eyebrows together. 

“Right, but he’s an  _ adult _ -”

“Look, Gon, it doesn’t  _ matter _ if he’s an adult, or that Milluki and I are adults, we’re still their children,” said Killua, pinching the bridge of his nose. What did Gon not understand about this? “They have a certain amount of authority, I’ve just been rebellious so I guess you haven’t noticed as much.”

“Oh….”

There were an awkward 10 minutes more that passed before Illumi and Silva came back into the room and silently took their seats at the table. 

Killua glanced over at his oldest brother. It was slight, almost nonexistent. Killua doubted Gon could tell. But that slight tremor going through Illumi, the way his wide eyes seemed to avoid direct eye contact,  _ something _ had happened out there. They’d never speak of it, though. That’s not how this worked. 

“I apologize for inconveniencing everyone else,” said Illumi, almost robotically. “It was rude and inconsiderate of me.” 

His siblings looked down at their plates while he made his “apology”. They knew why he said it.

“Well, now that everyone’s  _ finally _ here, I can finally say that I’m glad that everyone’s back together. Kil, nice to see you especially,” said Kikyo, trying to steer the conversation back to where it was. Killua had two options. Get Silva to talk about Alluka again and try to get more clues to see where he stood on the topic, or completely change the topic to something else and not risk having Kikyo yell at her.

“Wait, you’re  _ legitimately _ dating Hisoka. As in, you two have like, feelings and shit? For each other?” asked Killua, gawking at Illumi. 

“It’s a give and take relationship,” said Illumi, almost instantly. He scooted his chair forwards and seemed to sit up a little bit straighter, adjusting his long black hair so it was sitting nicely behind him. He still wore it long, which was unsurprising to Killua since it had taken him forever to grow it out. 

“I don’t want to know what that means but I have to admit I am a bit curious,” said Gon, looking like he was solving a puzzle in his head. Killua didn’t blame him, this was certainly puzzling. 

“It means that we rely on each other for a lot of things,” said Illumi with exactly zero ounce of passion.

“Isn’t that just how all relationships work?” asked Killua. 

“Fine, care to explain how you and Gon have a  _ give and take _ relationship?” mused Hisoka. He raised an eyebrow at Killua. Was he trying to start a fight, to provoke him? Did he doubt their relationship? Hisoka was observant enough to see through things like that. 

“No, I would not  _ care _ to explain the intricacies of my relationship to  _ you _ ,” snapped Killua. He looked over at Gon. Why was he getting so defensive over this? Probably because Hisoka had riled him up. 

“We don’t always spend time together, so when I’m gone for a while I really miss him. But I know that when we get back together I’ll be able to tell him all of the crazy stories of what happens out in the field. It makes me feel a lot better. And he likes the stories, too!” exclaimed Gon. “Not to mention, when we were travelling around together we had each other’s backs for a while. There were quite a number of situations where Killua’s helped me out.”

“I also like to listen to stories. A lot. They’re my favorite,” thirsted Kalluto, leaning around Killua to poke Gon on the shoulder in order to secure his attention. Killua’s hand couldn’t reach back fast enough to give him a swift chop to the arm. Kalluto clicked his tongue at him and pulled his hand back. 

“Hands  _ off _ ,” growled Killua.

“Looks like  _ someone _ is jealous,” said Hisoka. Killua rolled his eyes at him.

“Oh he definitely is,” added Alluka. Milluki snorted. Killua looked over at his sister, completely betrayed as even _Gon_ laughed at her joke. “You should have seen him on the bus, he almost gutted the poor ticket lady because he thought she was asking for Gon’s number.”  
“I thought she was a _threat_ , okay?” scoffed Killua. 

“A threat to your relationship,” teased Milluki. Killua stuck his tongue out at him and gave Gon a little squeeze on the hand. Upon closer look, Gon was making a downright  _ weird _ expression, as if he were trying to hide a smile, or maybe he was trying to painfully smile. One or the other, Killua couldn’t quite tell. 

Was Gon being weird? Or did he just feel awkward around the rest of the Zoldycks. Of course, there were things about the family that he expected that Gon would never understand. And he didn’t want him to. Sure, Killua had grown up normalized to all of the assassin practices but Gon was a bit  _ too _ easy to downright accept things. He didn’t seem more bothered by the fact that his family were assassins when he first told them, in fact, he had found it cool. And now he was surrounded by  _ all _ of them. 

Or maybe he felt uncomfortable with all of the relationship talk. Killua knew this is what he signed up for, but it wasn’t as if they could just back down from it now, that would be way too complicated to explain. They  _ could _ stage a breakup…. Killua pushed that thought aside for later. He took a swipe of Gon’s peas to check if they were laced with any poisons. After chewing around for a few seconds, he deduced that no, they weren’t. Good. 

“Anyways, why are you so shocked that we’re together? It was bound to happen eventually,” said Hisoka, pouring himself some wine before the butlers could do it. “I’m just surprised it took you two this long to get together. Or maybe I’m not, I can tell there seem to be some communication issues here. So, who confessed first? I’m assuming it was Gon.”

“I did.”

“It was me.”

Killua froze as he looked over at Gon, who opened and closed his mouth twice. A light blush spread across his face causing Killua’s heart to skip a beat. 

“It was technically mutual,” said Gon, looking Killua in the eyes, as if to mentally tell him to just  _ fill in the gaps _ . Killua nodded, ever so slightly. 

“Yeah, right, I started to confess-”

“But he hesitated so I confessed first instead-”

“No, I didn’t hesitate, I straight up told you-”

“Are you kidding me, you-”

“They even fight like an old married couple,” scoffed Milluki, trading glasses with Alluka so that she could have some wine when their parents weren’t looking. 

“You’re telling  _ me _ ,” smirked Alluka, taking a sip of her drink.

“Interesting,” was all Hisoka said, clicking his nails on the side of his own glass. He reached over the table and handed a little piece of paper to Kalluto, who quickly grabbed it and pocketed it. “By the way, be more discrete next time, would you?”

Killua had no idea what he was talking about, and quite frankly, didn’t want to know. Silva gave Kalluto a stare, causing him to shrink down lower into his chair. There was some more mundane conversation going on, Zeno trying to talk to Illumi, who was giving him one word answers, and Hisoka maintaining conversation with Milluki, Alluka, and Gon’s portion of the table. He sighed. After causing an outburst earlier, having a little break was good. That was, until he decided to speak up again. 

“So, why are we having a gathering, anyways,” said Killua, tearing off a chunk of bread with his teeth before realizing everyone was staring at him for his poor manners. He tried to chew it quickly, but it felt dry as he swallowed it. 

“I’m so glad you asked-” Hisoka had a knack for getting into business he didn’t belong in, and Killua’s patience was already stretched thin.

“This is between  _ family members _ ,” snapped Killua, pointing his fork at Hisoka. “Which you happen to conveniently  _ not _ be.” He felt Gon tap him under the table with his knee, and returned it. He felt a little bit of pride knowing that Gon liked his comment.

“That’s where you’re wrong.”

Killua turned his attention over to Illumi, who was holding his hand up, palm facing himself. He used his other hand to hold up Hisoka’s. Light from the chandelier above glinted off the matching gold bands on their ring fingers.  _ Engagement rings _ . 

“We’re getting married. I wanted to formally announce it to everyone at the same time.”

Killua  _ really _ needed to stop taking a sip of something while his brother or Hisoka ere talking because now it was completely sprayed onto the table and all over Illumi. Silva pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head while Kikyo clasped her hands together and swooned. Zeno gave them the side eye.

“Married?” exclaimed Gon, as if even  _ he _ couldn’t believe it. 

“What could you even hope to get out of marriage?” asked Milluki, thankfully adding to the conversation before Killua could get yelled at for being more crass at the dinner table. 

“I’m glad you asked-”

“I want to hear what my brother has to say about this,” said Alluka, interrupting Hisoka, who had been silenced again by another one of the Zoldycks. Gon giggled a little bit, earning a grin from Alluka. 

“Hisoka contracted me to kill him ages ago,” said Illumi, giving Hisoka an awkward pat on the back of his hand once he rested it back on the table. Killua wrinkled his nose at that. Just the casual touches between them were too  _ comfortable _ . “We played a game of cat and mouse where he would go out and hide somewhere, leaving me clues on where to find him, before our imminent fight.”

“We decided that the actual game was more fun than the killing part, especially since Illumi always fights to kill,” said Hisoka, wrapping his arm around Illumi. “Isn’t that right, Illumi?”

“Naturally. Unfortunately, I’ve grown somewhat attached to him, and as this is  _ technically _ a job, if I don’t fulfill it and kill him then I’ll have failed,” said Illumi nonchalantly. 

“I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic or not,” said Killua, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Nevermind, it doesn’t matter. You both likely have some fucked up idea of love anyways.” 

Illumi looked over to face Gon. 

“Do you remember the rules of our family?” asked Illumi, tilting his head slightly. “About who we can and cannot kill?”

“You guys can’t kill each other, right?” asked Gon, trying to think about things Killua had told him earlier. “Oh! You’re marrying Hisoka into the family so that you don’t have to kill him!”

“The things we do for  _ love _ ,” said Hisoka slyly, pressing a kiss onto Illumi’s cheek while still maintaining eye contact with Killua. The bastard was just  _ trying _ to piss him off, wasn’t he. Wait, did Illumi have a  _ slight _ blush….? Killua felt his stomach do a summersault. 

“I can’t believe this,” muttered Killua, to Gon, but Kalluto picked up on it. 

“Why not? Illu-nii really indulged his rebellious side since you left,” said Kalluto as if it were a matter of fact. 

“Are you making the implication that this,” said Killua, gesturing to the happy murder couple. “Is  _ my  _ fault?”

“Oh, I wouldn’t take full credit, he still had a ways to go before he could fully crawl out of his shell. You should have seen the argument Illu got into the first time he brought Hisoka over, oh man, you had to be there. Just between me and Milluki, we’ve taken bets between Mom, Dad, and Grandpa, which one is most likely to slit Hisoka’s throat. If you want, it’s still in the running, you Alluka and  _ Gon _ can pitch in, I’ve got 1m Jenny on Dad, but-”

Kalluto just  _ didn’t _ get it. Killua ended that conversation abruptly. 

“Hisoka doesn’t even have a job,” muttered Killua under his breath, still mad that all the attention for bringing someone home for a family dinner was being directed to that  _ clown _ . “At least Gon’s an ecology hunter.”

“Oh, that’s nice, Killu. So, Hisoka,  _ do _ you have a job?” asked Kikyo, redirecting the conversation back to Hisoka and away from Gon. Killua felt himself  _ deflate _ . 

“Define ‘job’,” said Hisoka, cryptically. “Because if being Illumi’s trophy husband counts, then-”

“It doesn’t, Hisoka’s unemployed,” interrupted Killua. Hisoka snubbed his nose up at him. 

“You should be nicer to me, I’m going to be your brother in law,” said Hisoka, giving a sly grin to him that sent shivers up Killua’s spine. “And since you  _ must _ know, I’m a freelancer.”

“That’s so cool,” said Kalluto, biting on his bottom lip. “It’s like, you’re your own manager.”

“I mean I guess it makes sense that you’d like him, little kids like clowns, right?” said Killua, trying to take a dig at both his brother and his future brother in law. He refused to acknowledge the clown thirst again, so the next best thing was embarrassing him. “What are you, like, twelve?”

“I’m sixteen.”

“Basically twelve in my book,” said Killua. “Maybe if you ask nicely, he’ll do a magic trick for you.”

“I wish…” said Kalluto.

Suddenly, Killua had opened his mouth to insult Kalluto again, but was stopped by a warm tingly feeling on his kee. He tensed up, slamming his leg on the underside of the table. 

“Did you just grope my thigh?” 

“Sorry, I was just trying to get your attention, you’re being a bit rude to Kalluto,” said Gon. Silva and Kiyo looked over at him. “ _ Dear. _ ” He added this awkwardly at the end and Killua smirked. It was almost enough of a distraction to take away from the pain he felt in his knee. 

“Whatever is going on underneath the table needs to stop by the time I finish talking,” said Silva, glaring at Gon. “I will have none of this tomfoolery at my dinner table.”

“Yessir,” said Gon quickly as his face flushed redder than a beet. His confident demeanor had now changed to that of shame. 

“Killua, next time you bring a guest make sure he has table manners,” scolded Zeno. Now it was Killua’s turn to feel embarrassed. 

A few minutes passed, and Killua quickly grew irked as Hisoka  _ kept _ dominating the dinner table with his stupid conversation topics and such. It seemed like everyone was interested in what he had to say. He felt a bit antsy sitting there. Of course, he had been on edge from earlier, but he was still a bit unsettled. Things had gone both better and worse than he thought they would. Alluka was treated horribly earlier, but luckily things had been working out for her now…. 

Unfortunately, she had probably been onto something. Deep down, he knew that the only reason he didn’t want the two of them to go was because he didn’t want to deal with his own abuse. But Alluka allowed him to trick himself into believing it was for her, and not because he was…. Afraid. 

There it was. He was weak. Worthless. He could have stood up, could have stopped it when Illumi got pulled out of the room earlier. But he let it happen. Everyone did. No, he and his siblings didn’t just  _ let _ it happen. Sure, they could have all yelled at Silva and gotten him to stop, but there’s no way Illumi would have done the same for them. 

Would he have?

“If I may, I would also like to have a conversation with Alluka after dinner,” said Illumi, his marble like eyes fixated on the poor girl. “There are certain things I wish to…. Discuss…”

“Piss off, Illumi,” snapped Killua. “Dad’s on thin ice, but you’ve already slipped under it.”

“Why don’t you let her make that decision for herself? Does big brother have to do everything for her?” asked Illumi, cocking his head at him. Killua felt a few beads of sweat run down the sides of his face. No, he didn’t have the needle in his head anymore. Illumi couldn’t control him. That was impossible. 

“Is that a threat?” asked Killua, preparing himself to stand up.

“Only if you take it as one,” Illumi deadpanned. “What, is me suggesting you’re being an overbearing control freak enough for you to completely snap?”

“You’re one to talk about being a control freak,” said Killua, his voice sour. “By the way, ripping your stupid needle out of my head was one of the best moments of my life.”

“Glad your best moment still involved me,” said Illumi coyly. Killua gritted his teeth. 

“You overestimate your importance in my life.”

“Oh, I wonder who else I can apply that to,” said Illumi, looking over at Alluka. “Alas, you’ve become the very thing you sought to destroy. At least Alluka doesn’t have a bad attitude like you do.”

“How  _ dare _ you compare the two of us-”

“Alluka, tell me, is our brother very controlling in your life? Does he dictate things for you?” asked Illumi, folding his hands on the table. Killua adeptly glanced over at Alluka, and his heart immediately sunk.

“He thinks he knows better than me,” she said, her voice soft at first, but the more she talked the more she crescendoed. “He treats me like I’m an inept little kid. I know he’s just trying to protect me, but I can make my own decisions. Sure, I’ll also talk to you after dinner.”

“Alluka, you can’t just-”

“Let me talk to him-”

“No, it’s a bad idea-”

“Brother,  _ allow _ me to talk to Illumi after dinner.”

Killua looked at her,  _ pissed. _ They had a silent agreement not to use the requests for stupid things. Killua assumed this counted as a stupid thing. It  _ better _ count as a stupid thing. He felt the uneasy feeling inside him welling up. Of course Alluka just had to go around and make things harder for him. But was he really like Illumi? Killua felt  _ gross _ . He had been a bit controlling, but…. Was it really that bad? Was Illumi really even that bad? Or was he just following orders…. Maybe having the needle wasn’t that- No. It was. It definitely was…. 

His head was spinning. Countless second guesses, and enough overthinking to overwrite his previous thoughts ten times over. Why was everything so complicated? Why couldn’t they just have a normal family. What  _ was _ a normal family even like? His family was more nuclear than Gon’s but it certainly didn’t feel more normal. 

It was confusing, too much to think about, and not enough linearity within his mind to sit down and process all of it at once. Every thought led to a branch of others interconnecting with each other until he had enough overlaps to weave them. Alluka was doing this on purpose, but if she was, was it to spite him or to help him? His family just wanted to help but went about it in the wrong way. He was wrong for leaving in the first place, but he wasn’t. He shouldn’t have been such a brat earlier, no, his feelings were valid and he should… no… shouldn’t…. 

His thoughts went blank as Gon grabbed his hand under the table and rubbed methodical circles into the back of it with his thumb. Killua took a deep breath, and felt a lot more safe as the world started to slow down. He just needed a break, to take a breather. 

Dinner couldn’t have ended soon enough. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's about 2x as long as the other chapters so enjoy haha.
> 
> Please let me know your thoughts on the story so far! (and especially this chapter)


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You and I both know what’s going on here."

Killua breathed out a sigh of relief as he saw Milluki leave the room along with Silva and Alluka. There was a slight nagging feeling in the back of his mind that everything could still go horribly wrong and Milluki’s ease around Alluka had just been an act, but he didn’t want to dwell on that. She was going to have a chat with Silva, and that was that. 

“Killua?” asked Gon, his shoulder brushing up against Killua’s arm as they got up from the table. “Are you okay?”

No. He wasn’t okay. Was he? Everything was just such a mess right now. He was a bit calmer than earlier, but that really wasn’t saying much. He felt his hand move down onto Gon’s forearm as he latched onto it. 

“Let’s get out of here,” said Killua, guiding Gon out of the room. He looked over to where Kalluto was occupied in conversation with Hisoka. “Full offense to Kalluto, but there’s only so much clownthirsting I can deal with.” Gon smiled awkwardly. 

“Are you sure that’s why you want to leave so abruptly?” asked Gon. The door closed behind them as they made it out into the hallway. “You don’t have to come up with excuses.”

“What do you mean?” asked Killua, narrowing his eyes. Gon rubbed the back of his own head uncomfortably as he avoided eye contact. 

“You, Illumi, and Alluka formed a triangle around me at the dinner table. I couldn’t exactly ignore that conversation even if I wanted to,” said Gon. Killua pinched the bridge of his nose. Gon meant well, or at least he  _ hoped _ he did. It was only a matter of time before he were to bring this up, but Killua didn’t expect it to be quite so soon.

Killua glanced over down the hall, then took a few turns before stopping in front of a door. He opened the door, which led to many of the various rooms in the estate, quickly looked in to see if there were any butlers in there, then pulled Gon in. He quickly closed the door. 

“You want to talk about what happened at the table?” asked Killua, sitting down on top of the desk in this study. “What part do you want to talk about? The part where Illumi compared the two of us? The part where he’s acknowledging what a fucking asshole he was to me and still never did anything about it to make it better? Or the part where Alluka used her abilities against me because apparently I’m such a terrible person that I can’t be reasoned with. Seriously, she used…. I can’t fucking believe it-”

Killua wiped his eyes off with his sleeves. He knew he was prone to tears. That was fine… as long as no one saw them. He tried to hold them back, as best as he could. Here he was, 18 years old, and  _ crying _ in front of his best friend. And for what? Because his brother said some mean things to him? Because his sister wouldn’t listen to him? Pathetic.

Sooner than he could dry his own eyes, he felt Gon’s arms wrap around him, pressing the side of his head into Killua’s chest. He squeezed him tightly, so tightly that for a moment, Killua forgot that the only reason he was getting this hug was because of all the tears involved. He brought his own arms around Gon to pull him closer. His hair smelled nice… That was it… He needed something to distract himself from the situation. If Alluka wanted to put herself in unnecessary danger, then she was doing it to herself by using her ability on him. There was nothing he could do about it. There was a chance that she could be bluffing, but he didn’t want to risk it. There was no reason to.

But Gon…. Gon was here right now. His mind drifted back to the makeout session they had in his room earlier. Hadn’t they been talking about Alluka then, too? Killua brought one of his hands to the back of Gon’s head as he positioned himself to lean in for a kiss. 

Their lips brushed together at the same exact moment that Gon’s hands found their way to Killua’s chest, pushing him backwards. But unlike last time, Gon didn’t lean forwards with him. 

It was as if all the butterflies in his stomach had  _ died _ just then at that moment when he saw the pained expression on Gon’s face. Gon took a step back, but then brought his feet together, shuffling himself awkwardly as he straightened his posture. He crossed his arms and then quickly uncrossed them. 

“I’ve just been thinking, and I’ve decided something. I don’t like how you’re treating Alluka, or me,” said Gon, this time giving Killua direct eye contact.

“Huh?” asked Killua, but in the back of his mind, he  _ knew _ why Gon would be angry, he just couldn’t bring himself to admit it.

“It was new and exciting at first, but I’ve grown to  _ not _ like how you’re only using me because I’m convenient. I think we should break up.” 

“Gon, that’s the point,” snapped Killua. “And we can’t just  _ break up _ , this is a fake relationship we’re not  _ actually _ dating.”

Gon raised an eyebrow at him. He looked at him sternly. 

“You know, Killua, what would you do differently if we were actually dating. Because there have been  _ quite _ a few instances where I’ve thought that maybe there’s actually something happening-”

“Gon, I don’t have time for this right n…. That’s it! You were right!” Killua grabbed him by the shoulders. “What if we have a public fight about it, that will cause enough drama that there’s no way we’ll even have time for Alluka to have some time with Illumi-”

“Were you even listening to me?”

“What do you mean?”

“Uhg, I just,” Gon said as he brushed Killua’s hands off his shoulders. “Stop changing the subject. You and I  _ both _ know what’s going on here.”

“Why don’t you tell me instead of being cryptic,” scoffed Killua. Why was he doing this? Why couldn’t he just admit he was in the wrong and try to make things up to Gon? He clearly had the thought capacity to think of things to say but the words kept coming out before he could filter them. Did that mean that these were his raw unfiltered thoughts? His true feelings? Did it work that way? Killua felt ill just thinking about that like this. Gon rolled his eyes at him.

“Really? I’m the one being cryptic? But fine, I’ll spell it out for you. I hope you can read,” snapped Gon. “To address the elephant in the room, you’re too overprotective of Alluka. Yes, I know you’ve sworn to protect her, but from her perspective it feels like you’re being too overbearing. She didn’t just agree with Illumi for no reason, or because she doesn’t like you; she did it because she wants you to loosen up a bit.”

“We’ve been over this before-”

“But you won’t accept it, or open your mind to changing your attitude towards it. You just sulk there, bitterly,” said Gon. Killua rolled his eyes. 

“What do you want me to do then,” said Killua. “She’s clearly making the  _ wrong _ decisions.”

  
“They’re _her_ decisions, Killua. She wants autonomy. Something you didn’t have with Illumi.”

Killua’s nails sharpened into the desk he was sitting on. He felt another wave of tears coming. Shit. 

“Killua, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”

“Of course you did, otherwise then you wouldn’t have said it. I know you, Gon, you don’t lie,” said Killua, pointing to his head. “You have that simple enhancer mindset.” Where Gon normally would have smiled, his face was certainly absent of one. 

“You’re an asshole.”

“W-what?”

Killua pulled his nails out of the desk and looked up at Gon, speechless. Sure, they’d playfully insult each other before, but Gon seemed like he actually meant it now. 

“I was trying to think of how to nicely put it, but you’ve been kind of a dick since we’ve gotten back to your house. I get it, you’re stressed out because of all the family stuff. And this might be selfish of me, but I feel ignored. We haven’t seen each other in  _ months _ and I feel like, you don’t even really care that I’m here, you’re just using me to escape your problems.”

Killua clicked his tongue. He was dealing with his own issues and Gon was mad because he wasn’t spending all of his time and attention on him? With everything going on?

“Oh, do you need me to pay more attention to you?” asked Killua sarcastically. “Sorry I didn’t know this was all about  _ you _ .” Gon looked at him, flatly.

“I didn’t want this to be all about me, I just wanted to be treated with a bit more respect. You know, not just tossed to the side when I’m no longer relevant, or only used so you have someone to make out with-” Gon looked as if he startled himself with his own sentence. 

“That was just practice.”

But the words felt hollow as they left Killua’s mouth. 

“Just practice.  _ Right _ . That’s why you decided to kiss me when I gave you a hug to calm you down. What a great time for some  _ practice _ .”

_ Shit _ . Killua felt himself bringing a hand up to touch his lips but paused mid raise, and lowered it back down to the ground. Why  _ had _ he done that? What did he hope to achieve? Maybe it was just a spur of the moment decision, maybe it just felt right, felt comforting, felt natural. 

“Are you legitimately mad about that?”

“Honestly, I don’t even know what I’m mad about anymore. I guess I’m just in a bad mood, and there’s a bunch of little things that keep adding up until I was finally pushed over the edge. I don’t even know what I want anymore. I think… I think we’re all stressed out,” said Gon, trying to calm himself down. 

Killua knew he should have dropped it here. But for some godforsaken reason, the moment he opened his mouth, the words just started oozing out.

“Oh,  _ you’re _ stressed? Gon, they could lock Alluka up again, or torture her. I was only able to get her out this time because they somewhat allowed me to. If they keep her here again, I might not be able to get her out. I think whatever I’m stressed about is a  _ lot _ more pressing than the fact that you’re jealous of Alluka.”

“Jealous of…. What? Where would you even get that idea?” Gon’s golden eyes were brimming with frustration. Killua scrunched up his nose. 

“I mean, you’re the one who brought up that you felt ignored, and who am I paying attention to? Alluka,” said Killua, spilling out everything he’d wanted to say to Kalluto earlier. On  _ Gon _ .  _ Shit. _

“That’s it. I’m out,” said Gon, turning away from Killua. He was joking. No, he was just saying things he didn’t mean. This was Gon, he was always cheerful, and he never held a grudge for long-

No. He did.   
Killua shuddered as he remembered back to when Gon had met Pitou for the first time after Kite’s death. The absolute rage and hatred in his heart was strong enough for Killua to notice it from rooms over. He was absolutely capable of letting his own feelings consume him for long periods of time. He needed to fix this, he needed to make this right again. 

“Wait, where are you going? I didn’t mean it, I just-” Killua cut himself off when he saw Gon turn around, his amber eyes without the spark they normally had. 

Gon turned around. 

“Oh, I know you didn’t mean it, Killua. You’re a transmuter, a  _ whimsical liar _ . Why don’t you take some time and think about which lies you want to use next time, that way we don’t have to fight.” As Gon said this, Killua felt his heart sink further and further into his chest. He could jump up right now, activate Godspeed, and prevent him from leaving the room. He’d be lying if the thought didn’t cross his mind. But he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He couldn’t. He had hurt Gon. How stupid was he? Gon was just trying to help, and he had freaked out an gotten all defensive. Killua felt his stomach doing flips the more he thought about the situation. He  _ had _ pushed Gon away. He  _ had _ been using him to distract himself from Alluka. And he  _ had _ been too overbearing on Alluka. 

Not only had he been a bad big brother, but he’d been a bad…. Friend…. 

Killua sat down on the study swivel chair and kicked off the desk to spin it around, staring at the ornate ceiling decor above him. He kicked the chair again. And again. And again, spinning himself sick before letting it stop and looking at the world around him, everything looking woozy. He couldn’t see straight, everything seemed to be moving up and down in a squiggly line. He put his head down on the table between his arms so his forehead was down on the desktop. The nausea was still there, but now with his eyes closed, it didn’t feel as bad. 

Wait. 

Killua looked up from his seated position and folded his hands under his chin as he looked around the rest of the room. Maybe he was going about this all wrong. He was trying to fix issues before they even arose, but then caused more issues that he was unprepared to deal with in the first place. He wasn’t being honest with himself. Was he even being honest with Gon, or Alluka? Alluka had wanted to tell him something when they had their argument in the library, but he never found out what it was because Gon had interrupted them, and he didn’t get a chance to talk to her between then and dinner since he had gotten distracted by hanging out with Gon. To be fair, there wasn’t really a good time to pull her aside and go “hey, what were you going to tell me earlier”. But maybe now would be.

If he waited outside his parents room, he could catch her on the way out from having her chat with Silva. He could apologize for being rude during dinner,  _ and _ show her that he did care about what she had to say in one single conversation. It would be killing two birds with one stone. 

As for the Gon situation… Killua clenched his fists. He had obviously done something to upset Gon, but looking back, most of the shouting match they had was an adrenaline filled blur. He hardly knew what he said out loud and what he thought, but he knew he probably said the worst of it outloud if it was enough to piss off Gon. He took a deep breath. Maybe they did just need some time to think about things. Gon probably needed to blow off some steam. At least, he hoped that.

Killua got out of the swivel chair and moved a map and some books on top of the part he had scratched. There were so many rooms in the estate he doubted anyone would come in here soon enough to attribute this to him. Unless they checked the footage for today, he wouldn’t have to worry about it. And besides, it was an ugly desk anyways. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well..... that could have gone better..... 
> 
> Let me know what you thought!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I hadn’t thought about it from your point of view."

He decided that because he and Gon  _ just _ fought, now was probably not the best time to approach him and try to amend the situation, especially because it could easily spiral out of control again. Now waiting in the hallway near his parents room with his back pressed up tightly to the wall, Killua wondered if he could get away with eavesdropping. He might be stealthy, but he didn’t exactly want to test his skills right here and now just in case he was wrong about how perceptive his family members were. Killua checked his watch, again, and again, multiple times as the time stayed the same. Why didn’t looking at it make it go any faster?

Right, or wrong? Was it really as black and white of an issue as he could make it out? Killua flirted with both possible ideas. Was Alluka in the wrong for purposefully going against him? Yes. Was there a reason behind it? Also yes. Was he being a dick to her? 

He didn’t mentally answer the last question.

He could go on for hours making a list of his wrongs, her wrongs, his justifications, and hers, back and forth trying to weigh each of them against the other, but was it really worth it at this point? It was honestly probably just easier to suck up some of his pride and apologize so that he could relinquish some of the stress. Alluka was almost an adult now, she should be able to make her own decisions. It was more so just so frustrating to be helpless in preventing issues he could have easily avoided. She had to know that, right? She wasn’t just walking blind without caution, was she? Killua breathed a sigh of relief when he sad Alluka walking out of the room and closing the door quietly.

“Brother?”

“You don’t know how glad I was to see you walk out of there,” said Killua, realizing that Alluka’s confused expression was because she didn’t witness him come down from a breakdown and was likely expecting him to be just as pissed as he was earlier. “We need to talk, I have a few things I need to set right with you. But first, how was your chat? What did you guys talk about?” Alluka tried to keep herself stone faced but then let up into a slight smile. 

“It wasn’t all that interesting, we mostly talked about Nanika,” said Alluka, tapping two of her fingers together. “He wanted to know how I was able to ‘control’ her, how we work symbiotically, and if there’s any way to bypass any of the negative conditions, all of that type of stuff. Oh, and we did chat a little bit about my relationship with you.”

“Sounds kind of boring,” said Killua, trying to see if he could pick up anything from Alluka’s expression that would let him know that she was hiding something from him. So far, everything looked clear. “I expected him to be more of a dick.”

“I  _ paraphrased _ ,” said Alluka, sticking her tongue out afterwards. Killua half wanted to give an “I told you so” but restrained himself. Now was not the time and place for that.

“On that topic, I probably shouldn’t have been a dick earlier,” said Killua, awkwardly. “I can give excuses, and the fact that you’d listen to them is the reason I won’t, because I have been a bit controlling, haven’t I?”

“A bit?” teased Alluka. Killua rolled his eyes. Why did she always have to make things so difficult.

“I hadn’t thought about it from your point of view. I just got it into my head that I know so much better than you, and putting that into the context of Illumi, I just… Oh man, I’m making excuses now, aren’t I?” said Killua, backing out of his sentence. “The point is, let’s be on level terms.” He held his hand out. Alluka clasped it. 

“I accept your apology, brother,” she said, giving him a little squeeze. “I know you were stressed out. To be honest, I wasn’t honest with you earlier. I don’t want to meet with Illumi-”

“Oh thank fuck,” sighed Killua. “Whoops-”

“It’s okay, I was just  _ really _ sick of you telling me what to do all the time. I shouldn’t have threatened to use Nanika against you. It made her really sad after I did that,” said Alluka. Killua rested his hand on top of Nanika’s head as she looked at him sadly. 

“Killua, I’m sorry,” said Nanika. 

“It’s okay, it was a tense situation for everyone,” said Killua. “We all said and did things we regret.”

“I forgive you,” said Nanika, giving him a little smile. 

“Speaking of that, you look like you went through hell,” said Alluka, coming back into control. “I don’t want to pry, but-”

“Gon and I had a fight.”

Killua looked the other way. He felt his palms getting sweaty again. He’d been so nervous about talking to Alluka about  _ their _ argument that he didn’t mentally prepare himself to have to talk about his argument with Gon.

“Oh…” said Alluka, clutching the fabric of her dress. She leaned against the wall next to Killua. “Want to talk about it?” Killua stopped tapping his foot. Might as well. 

“We had a fight about how he thinks I’m using him,” said Killua, feeling awkward about how he phrased it. “And I yelled at him and told him we were just fake dating so that was the whole point, and it got really heated from there. I was just mad that he was trying to make everything about him when clearly I was having issues, but I guess we were both being selfish there.”

“That’s a tough one,” said Alluka, thinking about that for a moment. “I know I shouldn’t butt into your business, so I’m going to keep my mouth shut about my personal opinions on the topic, but-”

“No.”

“What?”

“Please tell me,” said Killua, feeling his cheeks blush slightly. “You were going to tell me something when we were arguing in the library but then we got cut off by Gon. I realize that where I usually speak my mind about what I think is best for you, you tend to hold back a bit. Or at least, I want to know what you were going to say.”

“I’m either opening a can of worms or snakes,” sighed Alluka, twirling a strand of her hair around her finger. “This could go really badly, are you sure?”

“Can’t say I like either, they’re both equally gross,” joked Killua. “Spill.” 

Alluka gave him a half hearted smile. 

“Why do you think Gon was feeling dejected?”

“Well, like I said, he was mad that I was  _ using _ him-”

“Right, but what does that  _ mean _ ?”

“Uhg, you’re being just as cryptic as he was. Honestly, the reason I brought him along in the first place is so that he could be my fake date to piss off our parents, I don’t know why he’s being such an asshole about it,” groaned Killua.

“I think you do, and you’re choosing not to,” said Alluka, before tapping the side of her head. “Or you’re  _ really _ just that dense.”

“I am  _ not _ dense, I just don’t like making incorrect assumptions,” snapped Killua. Alluka stared at him blankly. “What?”

“Alright, I’m not going to address that… Back to where we left off, what do you think led up to Gon’s side of the outburst?”

“He kept being dodgy, especially about the fake relationship stuff,” said Killua. Alluka looked at him like she were talking to a brick wall. Was he being dense or was his brain just filtering out the obvious again. “He got really mad when we were talking about it, saying that I was doing things that didn’t make it feel like a fake relationship. I mean, I’ve got no relationship experience at all so of course I’m not going to be perfect at imitating a-”

“And now it’s time for me to step in and tell you that you have all the pieces to the puzzle but you’re trying to assemble them in the dark,” said Alluka. “You’re right that he doesn’t feel like it’s a fake relationship, but it’s not because you don’t know what a real relationship feels like. It’s because you’re acting like it  _ is _ one.”

“I am?”

“Yes. I think it might be your lack of experience in general, or maybe how comfortable you are around Gon, but even  _ I _ have been tricked,” said Alluka. “I routinely forgot that you two weren’t actually together so many times over the course of the day. I’ve been teasing you about it forever, but you’ve been too dense to notice it.”

“So that means, when I kissed him, I…” the gears in Killua’s head finally dropped the cobwebs and started to turn. “And then when we were in the bathroom when I…. and all the flirting…. And when we were in the study and he went to comfort me and I….  _ Oh no _ .”

“Now do you see why Gon was mad?”

“It seems like I want to be in a real relationship with him, doesn’t it? Oh man, what if he thinks I mean it, and he’s really not into it, that’s why-”

“If I’m allowed to speak my mind, I’d go as far as to say that it’s the opposite…. Gon likes you, a  _ lot _ . I can tell. And he thinks that you don’t reciprocate those same feelings for him,” blurted out Alluka. “He’s mad because he thinks you’re playing with his feelings, or at least you’re so dense that he’ll never get anything more out of this relationship.”

“Oh my God.”

Killua felt as if he had been sucker punched in the gut by every little romantic moment he’d had with Gon earlier in the day. It all made sense now. He wasn’t just comfortable with them because Gon was his friend. No, he was just too dense to realize…

“Why do you think you’re so comfortable being in a fake relationship with Gon? Sure, you’re really close, and care about each other a lot, but you’re also friends with Ikalgo, would you have been this comfortable all lovey dovey with him even if it were just pretend?” suggested Alluka. 

“Oh no for sure Ikalgo would be the  _ last _ person I’d ask for this…. Kind of thing…. Gon just…” Killua’s voice trailed off. 

He was comfortable around Gon. The two of them had spent years travelling together when they were younger, and though they weren’t always together now, Killua liked to think that their bond was stronger than any other friendship he’d had since. He understood Gon, and Gon understood him too. He was never weirded out by the assassin side of Killua’s upbringing, and even went so far as to bring him back out into the world when Illumi had forced him to come home after the hunter exam. 

But even now, being around Gon had just felt  _ right _ , as if he was another crucial part of Killua’s life. Their conversations always flowed and felt natural, they always cheered each other up, and Killua always felt better after spending time with him. Plus, now that they were fake dating, the  _ type _ of time he could spend with him now included making out…

Killua felt himself manually ejecting that thought out of his mind as it was coming into fruition, and then realized something. Had he been purposely sabotaging himself? Was he under the impression that because he was friends with Gon, he couldn’t be...

“I’m in love with Gon.”

“You’re in love with Gon.”

“You couldn’t have told me earlier?” scoffed Killua. Alluka narrowed her eyes at him. 

“Brother, I have been  _ trying _ to find a good opportunity to tell you, but… I didn’t want to be a hypocrite because that would be me trying to tell you what I think is best for you,” said Alluka, pressing her lips together. “I wanted you to find out on your own, but with everything going on, I really should have just given you more of a push. I just didn’t… I didn’t want you to experience what I was experiencing.”

“I’ve made such a mess of everything,” said Killua, shaking his head. “First I was oblivious to how you felt about me, then I was oblivious to everything going on with Gon… Am I just the worst in our family about observations?”

  
“Yeah.”

“Wow, you didn’t even need to think about that one,” joked Killua. Alluka smiled at him. Her eyes then drifted down to his shirt. 

“Speaking of observations,” she said, reaching forwards. She picked off a small piece of paper. “You had a little something on your clothes.”

“Oh, I wonder what that’s,” said Killua, but the moment his fingertips touched the paper, he felt uneasy. He quickly activated his gyo, seeing a tiny amount of nen around it. “...From.” His mind raced back to dinner, where Hisoka had handed Kalluto a piece of paper similarly sized to this one that Kalluto seemed to be familiar with….

“Alluka, did you and Milluki talk about nen at all,” said Killua, grabbing her by the shoulders. She looked at him, frantically wracking her brain for any information that could be useful.

“Yeah, we did, he was curious to know if I was a manipulator like the rest of our other siblings-”

“Did he tell you what Kalluto’s ability was?” 

Alluka’s eyes went wide as she looked over at the piece of paper. 

“Oh no,” she said, before tearing it in half. “We’ve been spied on. If Kalluto made a little paper doll of you, he can hear the conversations you’ve had.”

“Not just now, that means he’s heard the conversation I had with Gon, and he knows that…. Oh no, he knows that we were fake dating,” said Killua, grabbing at his hair. “This is bad, I have no idea what he’s going to do with this… I have to find Gon, or no, I should go grab Kalluto before he does anything, it was all a misunderstanding anyways.”

“I’ll deal with Kalluto,” said Alluka, holding the two parts of the torn paper in her hands. “Even if he knows you faked your relationship, it’s not like there’s much he can do with it.”

“I don’t have a good feeling about this, I got into a bit of an argument with him earlier, he’s probably pissed,” said Killua. “Are you sure you don’t want to go after Gon, we can trade and-”

“I can handle Kalluto, I think you should settle things with Gon as a sort of damage control first,” said Alluka. She tool his hands in hers. “I promise I’ll stay out of trouble.”

“Wow, I didn’t even have to prompt you for that one,” smirked Killua. Alluka rolled her eyes at him. 

“Just remember to be honest with him, and if he needs time, well, then he needs time,” said Alluka. Killua nodded his head at her. The two of them split off down the hallway.

What Killua didn’t tell Alluka was that Kalluto was actively jealous of both her  _ and _ Gon for taking up so much of Killua’s attention. Finding out that Gon wasn’t even his real boyfriend was probably heartbreaking to the poor kid. Not that it was his  _ fault _ in the first place, but because from what he’d observed, Kalluto was a bit sensitive. Killua thought back to the conversation he had with him right before dinner. He was completely unsure where Kalluto stood on the topic of their parents. He didn’t give an answer that leaned one way or the other, and in fact had essentially dodged the question. There was no way he could predict what to expect. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things cooled off and then heated up again.... hope y'all enjoyed :3


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Maybe then Killua will love you back”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gon POV switch for this chapter

Unbeknownst to Killua, Gon had been pining after him for  _ quite _ some time, to the point where after Killua finally asked him to be his fake date to accompany him home, Gon jumped at the opportunity even for the semblance of the idea that they could be together. He and Killua were friends, and best friends at that, so it wasn’t as if they lacked a relationship, just… Gon wished it was something more. But that was something Killua could never give him. Killua was just too…. Killua. He didn’t like him back, and that was that. 

Until they were in the bathroom together and Gon was doing all he could not to get absolutely flustered with Killua caressing his face and giving him such tender touches, and  _ the kiss _ . Gon winced as he remembered it, but one thing led to the next, and he started to remind himself of the kisses in the bedroom, how passionate they had been, then Killua leaning in unprompted and-

Gon tightened his fists into balls as he opened one of the doors to the outside. The sun was low but the outdoor lights of the garden courtyard had started to kick on so it wasn’t dark out. Why must Killua tease him like this? Play with his feelings like this? No, he shouldn’t have gotten his hopes up in the first place. He knew this could have happened, but he pretended it didn’t. 

It wasn’t fair. None of this was. It wasn’t fair to Gon that his emotions were being toyed with, but it wasn’t fair to Killua that he couldn’t just be there to support him. It was his own fault for having feelings in the first place, he should have controlled everything better. And poor Alluka, the reason he got invited in general. The Zoldyck family was  _ not _ a good place for her, but she was trying her best to fit in and build relationships with everyone, this was supposed to be her time, and he had to just go ahead and ruin it because of his stupid crush on Killua-

Did Killua even want to talk to him again after this? Was he really mad at him? Gon sighed as he continued on a bit of his walk on the perimeter of the house. He just needed some time to clear his head, that was all. Perhaps thinking about something else would help, he just needed to calm down and-

The hairs on the back of Gon’s neck stood up straight as he noticed an overwhelming presence approaching him. He snapped around quickly, only to see a familiar sight. Hisoka.

“My, my, such charged emotions for such a small man,” said Hisoka, his sharp fingernail tracing the bottom of Gon’s jaw before stopping on his chin. “I could feel them all the way from the indoors, and that’s saying something, because I had Illumi right next to me, and well, you know he can be distracting…” Hisoka’s smile was laced with  _ something _ . Gon tried to back up but found himself against the wall. 

“What do you want, Hisoka,” sighed Gon. He didn’t have his nen now. He assumed Hisoka could tell that not only had he lost his nen four years ago, that his nodes were still unopened from the incident. Hisoka had only been interested in his development for the purpose of fighting him someday, and now that he hadn’t been training in that sense, he would notably be behind where Hisoka expected him to be. A bead of sweat ran down the side of his face as his mind drifted to the possibility of Hisoka coming out here and cornering him in the first place to dispose of him for becoming a disappointment. He tried to glance around to the side, but it looked like it was only the two of them out here. Hisoka’s mouth twisted into a grin. 

“What I find interesting, is that you have a sense of longing in those golden eyes of yours,” said Hisoka, his voice thick with honey. Gon’s eyes widened as Hisoka leaned in closer, towering over him. “For someone who’s dating Killua, I do wonder, what is all of this longing about? Is there someone else involved? A secret love affair of some sorts?” Hisoka pulled away for a second, before licking his bottom lip. 

“Oh don’t  _ tell  _ me… It’s me, isn’t it-”

“Hisoka, cut it out,” said Gon, gritting his teeth. “What goes on between me and Killua is our business.”

“I’m teasing you, surely you can take a joke,” said Hisoka, his eyes laced with a mischief that Gon didn’t want to know the basis for. “Oh… That look… Don’t tell me… You do love Killua, don’t you…. So what is it? Did  _ he _ cheat on  _ you _ ? Though, if I remember, he always seemed to be the one pining for you…”

“What do you mean?” asked Gon. Hisoka was observant. The slimy transmuter might have ulterior motives from time to time, or likely  _ all _ the time, but Gon couldn’t help his curiosity. What had Hisoka meant by that? Did Killua actually like him back…. Formerly….. Had he waited too long? Was Killua’s flirting… No… 

“If you’re that oblivious, maybe it’s for the best,” said Hisoka, clacking his fingernails on the wall with the hand that was resting there while he was crowding up Gon’s space. “Perhaps there’s no romantic interest…. Are you perhaps jealous of Killua’s little sister? She is a beauty, after all. He must spoil her well.”

“Ew  _ gross _ , no, it’s nothing like that,” said Gon, his cheeks heating up. Hisoka was dangerously close to getting to the root of the issue of Killua not actually having the same feelings for him. Hisoka chuckled.

“Now that I think about it, you and Alluka both have a similar role in Killua’s life, don’t you? Of course, neither of you have nen, so I imagine he’d have to protect both of you now,” said Hisoka, giving another close lipped grin. The absolute snake he was! “Do you resent it? Feeling helpless like that with someone else to take care of you?”

Gon’s head started to spin. He felt sick. Just talking about his loss of nen made him uncomfortable when he didn’t bring it up himself. It unlocked too many painful memories. The feeling of helplessness after getting back from NGL the first time, the feeling of rage he had when he was confronted with Pitou, the way he was willing to give up  _ everything _ to avenge Kite. Sure, he had been healed afterwards, but his nen sealing up felt like a  _ punishment _ of sorts, as some sort of penance for his actions. Gon felt an anger brewing up inside of him. 

“Yes, I hate it,” he shouted into Hisoka’s face. “Everyone thinks I’m weak, or can’t do things, and it pisses me off! There, happy? I admitted it.” Hisoka paused for a second, a hint of surprise in his face. 

“Truth be told, I was hoping you’d ripened by now, but it seems you’ve been…. Stalled,” said Hisoka, taking a lock of Gon’s hair between his fingers. “Your nodes have sealed shut, it’s as if you were stuck into the freezer, preserved, for later.” He leaned in closer to Gon’s ear, close enough Gon could feel his breath right against his eardrum. “I can force them open if you’d like.”

“That’s okay,” said Gon, leaning away. He felt a sickening feel welling up inside him. He  _ knew _ Hisoka was bad news, but ever since his nen had been sealed away, everyone had collectively decided for him that he should remain nen-less. No one ever asked what he wanted. He hadn’t really considered it before…. Everyone said it was impossible… If Hisoka was willing to reopen his pores, then maybe….

“What’s the harm?” asked Hisoka, getting dangerously closer yet. “You survived it once, didn’t you? It’s because you’re strong, you have potential. And you just need a little push to be right back on track.” Hisoka’s voice lowered, sending another shiver down his spine. 

“Maybe then Killua will love you back-”

Something inside Gon just  _ snapped _ , went absolutely  _ feral _ . How  _ dare _ he speak to him like this. How  _ dare  _ he purposefully bring up things to get him all riled up. Hisoka definitely knew what he was doing, that bastard. He was just toying around for him. Yes, that’s all he was to him. A toy. Something to play with, something to fight. Gon’s anger boiled up more, filling his whole body with the sort of rage he hadn’t felt in years. And the next thing he knew, his knee had connected to Hisoka’s crotch, causing the magician to wince so painfully that it was cathartic. 

“I see…. You haven’t been slacking…. On your training…” panted Hisoka, and Gon  _ hoped _ it was from the fact that he just got kicked in the balls and not for  _ other _ reasons. 

“Gon!” 

Killua’s voice rang out above Gon’s internal thoughts. Gon peered around Hisoka, and their eyes met. 

And in those big blue eyes of him, he didn’t see anger, or frustration, he saw something else, a softer feeling, one that was more sincere. And oh was Gon glad to have seen it. Killua rushed over to him, blocking him from Hisoka. 

“Hey, Hisoka, do me a favor a fuck off,” spat Killua. Hisoka teased his bottom lip between his teeth. He was emitting  _ some _ sort of energy that Gon didn’t want to look into more than he already had. 

“I was just having a friendly little chat, wasn’t I, Gon,” said Hisoka, running a hand through his stupid pink hair. “Go ahead, Gon, why don’t you tell him what we were discussing? Unless you want me to do it instead, because I have no problem mentioning that-”

“Hisoka, this isn’t any of your business. It’s between me and Killua,” said Gon, wrapping an arm around Killua’s waist and pulling him closer. “Next time you approach me like that, let’s just say Illumi won’t be satisfied on your wedding night.” Hisoka smirked at him, but this time instead of a sinister feel, he noticed a bit of pride. Pride for  _ what _ ? Hisoka was weird, knowing him, this was probably part of some weird plan of his. He liked riling people up, whether it was for his own pleasure or not, that was a different topic entirely. 

“Well, isn’t that a loaded topic,” said Hisoka, preparing to speak. 

“ _ Please  _ keep it sealed,” said Killua, making a fist at him. “In case you forgot, or maybe it’s the point of it all, Illumi’s my brother. Also, Gon, your insult was totally metal.”

“Hell yeah!”

“In that case, I suppose I’ll take my leave,” said Hisoka, giving a little finger wave. “And Gon, if you change your mind about what we talked about, you know where to find me.” And with that the clown was  _ finally _ gone.

“Dude, are you okay? I didn’t really see what happened, but-”

Killua’s eyes were wide, 

“I’m fine, Killua. You know how Hisoka is, he was trying to rile me up,” explained Gon. “I can’t believe I actually kicked him, though. I’m still trying to process that myself.”

“Well, as long as nothing happened, then we’re all good here,” said Killua, sighing with relief. “You just let me know if he tries anything again and I’ll beat him into a bungee gum pulp. I don’t care if he’s marrying into the family, this one’s personal.” 

He  _ knew _ Killua’s words were supposed to be reassuring, but Gon felt the same dread he felt earlier when he was talking to Hisoka. He was  _ not _ helpless. He didn’t need to be protected. But this was Killua he was talking to. They’d trained together. Killua was just saying that because he didn’t trust Hisoka, wasn’t he? 

“Hey, Killua, can I ask you something?” 

“Sure?”

Gon’s mind froze. Come to think about it, there were a  _ number _ of questions floating in his mind right now. Hisoka had implied that Killua had loved him when they were younger, and could easily see the longing in his eyes, but never once did he assume Killua didn’t return his feelings. Did that mean…

“Sorry, I lost my train of thought,” lied Gon. Killua, looked at him, hurt. 

“Okay, what the hell did Hisoka say to you,” demanded Killua. “You look like you’ve gone through the five stages of grief, there’s no way that was an innocent conversation.”

“We talked about my nen,” blurted out Gon. “I just, he offered to open my pores, so I could start practicing again, and then, oh Killua he just made me so  _ angry _ when he talked about how useless I am right now. And the worst part of it, I almost wanted to. Damn, I might actually consider taking up his offer. Everyone told me not to, and I just feel like everyone’s constantly trying to make decisions for me, like I can’t do anything myself. I can do things. I know I can’t do everything, though. There’s some things I just can’t do without my nen. But that doesn’t mean that I can’t protect myself, or make decisions on my own.”

“Gon,” said Killua, softening his gaze. Gon looked away. 

“I just want to know, you don’t think I’m useless, do you?”

“Of course not! Look, if this is about what I said about Hisoka, I’ll level with you. The guy’s always given me bad vibes, since the moment we met. I’ve never trusted him,” said Killua. He grabbed Gon by the shoulder. “I’ll say it so it sticks in your mind. You’re  _ not _ useless just because you can’t use nen.”

“Thanks, Killua,” said Gon, feeling the tears rush forwards. He wrapped his arms around Killua as he tried to shut his eyes shut to seal any more from coming out. “You don’t know how much I needed to hear that.”

“You don’t need to thank me, we’re friends, that’s just what’s expected,” said Killua, giving him a pat on the back. 

_ We’re friends, that’s just what’s expected. _

The words resonated in Gon’s mind. It felt like getting punched in the gut again. Of course, Killua had to remind him that they were  _ just _ friends. People don’t normally have feelings for their friends, especially not ones like this. Gon had never been normal, though. Neither had Killua. They’d both been extraordinary. 

Hisoka was right, wasn’t he? That Killua didn’t love him in a romantic way… Gon felt an uneasy feeling welling up inside him. He couldn’t continue on this way, with Killua pretending to give him affection and him suffering from it. He needed to either confess to Killua or will away the feeling. 

“I… We need to talk,” said Gon, starting off awkward. Killua’s eyes widened. 

“Yeah, Gon, I agree,” said Killua, quickly. The two of them stared awkwardly at each other. It was odd, seeing that their fight had been not too long ago but they weren’t  _ that _ mad at each other. They didn’t tend to hold grudges on each other for that long, perhaps it was just an in the moment thing. Gon hoped it was. 

“I don’t want to fake date anymore-”

“I need your help with-”

The two of them stopped speaking at the same time. 

“You go first,” said Killua, gesturing for Gon to speak. Gon looked at him, uneasy. Should he just confess to Killua now? 

“I don’t want to do the fake dating thing anymore,” said Gon, leaving it short and simple. If Killua pressed for more information, then he’d give some. Maybe. Killua, on the other hand, looked like he was a  _ bit _ frantic at the mention of this.

“Shit, that’s what my topic is about, uh, how do I put this,” said Killua, awkwardly. “Kalluto found out about the fake dating, I think there’s a chance he might tell our parents and I’ll get  _ grilled _ for it so I was going to actually-”

There it was again, another proposition for them to fake date. But he had to do it. Killua would be in danger if things went south. He could do it. He could push aside his feelings again so Killua wouldn’t be in trouble with his parents. 

But Hisoka’s words echoed in his mind. 

_ Maybe then Killua will love you. _

Maybe Killua would never love him but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t his best friend that he would do anything for. Whatever he was going through was definitely not nearly as hard as what Killua would be. Besides, it was just another few hours. He could handle a few hours. Just. A. Few.

“I’ll do it for you, Killua,” said Gon, putting on a smile. Killua looked at him sadly. Why was he sad? It wasn’t until he felt the tear run down his cheek that he realized.  _ Shit _ . Why. Why did he have to cry now of all times. This wasn’t even his moment, it was Killua’s. Killua was going to get in trouble. Stupid selfish brain. Gon wiped the tears away as quick as he could. Stupid tears. 

“Gon, I, I’m sorry,” said Killua. “I, don’t really know how to put this, I’ve had a lot on my mind, and damn I’m just making excuses at this point but I think I’m just a bit nervous about how you’ll take this…” He paused for a second. 

“Killua, no, I’m sorry, I let my feelings get ahead of me, and then when Hisoka showed up, he just made things worse, and,” started Gon, filling in where Killua had left off. “Look I guess I should explain a bit-”

“Gon, I love you.”

The words echoed in Gon’s mind like church bells off sync.

No. 

He didn’t. 

He couldn’t. 

Even Hisoka had told him that, and he could tell that there was something wrong between him and Killua even before the fight, that had to count for something, right? 

“Gon?” Killua’s voice snapped Gon back to reality. “Look, I know I’ve been super fucking dense lately, and I’ve honestly made this such a mess. I can’t believe  _ Alluka _ had to help me realize that, well, I wasn’t just feeling 'super platonic bro feelings' towards you. If you get my drift.”

“I…” The gears started to turn in Gon’s head. Killua sounded so sincere, he  _ had _ to be telling the truth, right? Wait. Why was he so stupid! It all made sense now! If Killua had thought everything was platonic but not realized he was making romantic gestures of course he would have been so casual about it, and of course Hisoka would have picked up on Gon’s pining because even without the gestures he was still pining a  _ ton _ …. Man, he was also the dense one, wasn’t he. 

“I guess we’re both a bit dense,” said Gon, giving Killua a genuine smile this time. “I love you too, Killua. I was actually debating telling you now, but Hisoka got it in my head that you didn’t like me… I couldn’t even accept your confession once I got it.”

"Oh that's a relief," said Killua, letting out a breath. "I think I would have spontaneously combusted if you turned me down right here."

"I was in the process of it when you showed up," said Gon. The two of them laughed in their shared denseness and overthinking. It felt as if a weight had been released off Gon's shoulders. Everything was falling into place now. He was honestly estatic. Killua liked him back? Romantically? And everything before, that hadn't been just teasing? Gon's mind raced with the possibilities for where this could go.

“Man, what a day,” said Killua, ruffling his hair with his hand. “After this we  _ really _ need to just hole up somewhere relaxing for about a week and just relax because I have been on edge the  _ entire _ time I’ve been here.”

“Would this be our honeymoon?” joked Gon. Killua rolled his eyes at him.

“That’s for when we’re married,” said Killua. Gon smiled when he heard the  _ when _ part of the sentence. 

“Do you want to go back inside? As actual boyfriends this time?” asked Gon, giving Killua a squeeze on the hand. “Won’t that make pretending we  _ weren’t _ in a fake relationship to your parents a lot easier?” 

“Ah, yes, that’s definitely the excuse we’re going to use for dating now,” said Killua, with a stupid grin on his face. Gon grinned back. Killua’s smiles were contagious, afterall. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it finally happened. after 30k words, I finally made them confess. 
> 
> lmk what you thought >:3


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We’ll get through this"

Everything that just happened had happened the best way Killua could have imagined it. Gon actually  _ liked him back _ . Granted, he just realized that he was in love with him recently, but it didn’t matter because the feelings were still always there, just unnamed. Every feeling he’d had for Gon was still there, except it felt a lot more pronounced now that he was aware of it, as if suddenly naming it made him become a lot more aware of it. He liked it though. It made him feel warm inside, especially since Gon returned these feelings. It was still a strange concept to wrap his head around, but he’d get there. 

Killua clicked his tongue as the two of them made it back inside. Admitting that he had a crush on Gon and turning their fake relationship into a real one had been such a relief for Killua. But the relief was temporary. There were still other matters that needed to be addressed. Because if not for that, Killua would  _ absolutely _ have taken Gon back to his bedroom for some privacy. Alas, there was the Kalluto situation. 

“Alluka said she’d find and talk to Kalluto,” said Killua, walking quickly through the hallways to try to spot where his brother was. “But he can be pretty stealthy, he might be hiding somewhere.”

“Why would he be hiding?” asked Gon. Killua turned around to face him. He forgot sometimes that he didn’t talk to Gon all that often about his home life, and for a good reason. He didn’t mind filling in the gaps in his knowledge, though. If they were going to be actually dating he might as well learn a bit about his life and the things he has to go through. 

“If Kalluto told our parents that you and I are fake dating, and they’re pissed about it, Kalluto knows that I’ll probably come after him,” said Killua. “So assuming we can’t find him, I’m probably going to be in a fuckton of trouble.”

“Hey, we’ll get through this,” said Gon, reassuringly. Killua nodded. Gon was right. This couldn’t be  _ too _ bad of an issue, could it? And besides, Gon was here with him. And he had Alluka, too. He didn’t need to just deal with his issues on his own, he could have them help him from time to time. 

Much to Killua’s surprise, it actually didn’t take that long to find Kalluto, since he could hear Alluka’s voice down the hallway coming from Kalluto’s room. Excellent. Killua opened the door without knocking, and saw Kalluto looking at him like a deer in the headlights, completely frozen in place. 

“Oh, good, you found Gon-” Alluka started talking but the look on Kalluto’s face was so guilty that Killua couldn’t help but assume that he knew what he did was wrong. He felt a sudden rush of anger wash over him. 

“You told Mom and Dad, didn’t you,” said Killua, cornering Kalluto up against the wall. “What did you hope to achieve by this.”

“I….” Kalluto glanced to the side, as if to ask Alluka for help before looking around back at Killua. “So?” Was he  _ sassing _ him? To outright admit it like that? Did he show no remorse? A whole bunch of questions flew through Killua’s mind. 

“Killua, give him some space,” said Gon, but Killua held up his hand as if to tell him to hold off. He was overcrowding Kalluto, though. 

“So what exactly did you tell them?” asked Killua, giving Kalluto a bit more breathing room. Gon was right, he shouldn’t hover over Kalluto. 

“He told them that you two lied to them about your relationship in order to stir up drama,” said Alluka when Kalluto refused to speak. Killua pinched the bridge of his nose. 

“You  _ know _ I’m going to get in trouble for lying to them, what did you expect to get out of this?” asked Killua. Kalluto glared at him. 

“I’m just doing my job, Mom told me to keep an eye on you and boy was she right about doing that, I can’t believe…. You even had me fooled,” said Kalluto, softly. 

“Well, there’s a reason for that…” Gon started talking but then read the room to realize he should probably stay out of this one. As much as Killua appreciated him being here, this was a sibling fight. 

“You know you don’t  _ have _ to do what Mom tells you to do all the time, right? You know that they’re going to be pissed with me, yet you decided to tell them about it anyways. When have I ever tattled on you?”

“You haven’t been around enough to tattle on me. You’re never around. You’re barely even a part of my life.” Kalluto’s voice was sharp and full of emotion, as if Killua had finally struck a nerve with him. 

“This isn’t about you Kalluto, stop being such a drama whore,” snapped Killua. Kalluto glared at him, his pink eyes glowing with anger. 

“The only drama whore is the one who had to fake a relationship in order to get attention,” snapped Kalluto. “You’re pathetic.” Killua pinched the bridge of his nose. 

“Look, I don’t know if you care or not, but Gon and I are  _ actually _ dating now, and we were  _ basically _ dating the whole time we were fake dating, and-”

“I don’t care! I just… I don’t matter to you, do I?”  
Killua winced at Kalluto’s question. 

“That hurt. You’re not being fair to me, you know that? I’m not supposed to provide brotherly affection to you and expect nothing in return, you haven’t exactly been putting effort into this either,” said Killua. “Tattling on me to our parents was a dick move, just saying.”

Kalluto opened his mouth to say something, and then closed it, completely at a loss for words. 

“I guess we’re probably done here, let’s go, Gon, Alluka,” said Killua.

“Wait.”

Killua had already turned around at this point but suddenly he felt Kalluto’s arms wrapping around his middle. 

“Don’t go, I’m sorry, I was angry, and jealous, and I just wanted you to love me as much as you love those two and I got really mad about that,” said Kalluto, giving Killua a hug from behind. “I promise I won’t do this again, next time.” Killua sighed. Was he actually remorseful or did he just not want Killua to be pissed at him anymore? He wasn’t quite sure about that one. 

“Assuming there is a next time,” said Killua, before both Gon and Alluka gave him a look. “Fine. I’ll weasel my way out of this one but I’m not happy about it.”

“Thanks, Killua,” said Kalluto. It didn’t register at first but the moment Killua realized Kalluto had called him by his full name instead of just a nickname he felt a bit better about the whole situation. Sure Kalluto did a total dick move and was a bit of a brat, but he also had to go through the same upbringing that the rest of the siblings did so of course he wasn’t  _ perfect _ . 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t get to him sooner,” said Alluka once they were out of the room. “I was looking for him everywhere before I tried checking his room.”

“It’s okay,” said Killua. “I don’t really know what I expected when I sent you off to Kalluto. Probably that he hadn’t told our parents yet and you could just convince him not to.”

“Should we just outwardly come out and admit we were fake dating but that it’s over now?” asked Gon. “Because maybe if we’re honest with them they won’t mind as much?” Killua thought this over for a second. Would his parents be rational enough to deal with that? It was honestly a coin toss. 

“Let’s try to read the room first and see what we think in the moment, I’m not immediately opposed to it,” said Killua, trying to figure it out in his mind. Alluka looked at him in shock. 

“You didn’t just outright reject his idea?” she said in a teasy voice. Killua rolled his eyes at her. 

“Uhg you’re never going to let this go, are you,” said Killua. Alluka smirked at him. 

“I’ll see how much I can joke about it before it  _ actually _ pisses you off,” she sassed.

“Of course you will,” muttered Killua under his breath.

“I don’t think that’ll take long at all,” joked Gon. Killua sighed. Why were they always in cahoots with each other, could he ever catch a break?! 

“I think the only person that can come close to knowing my brother better than I do is you, Gon,” teased Alluka.

“There’s no way you know me better than Gon does,” said Killua, crossing his arms. “I mean,  _ maybe _ -”

“Brother, I lived with you for four years. I know that you pick the pepperonis off your pizza and stick them at the top to save them for last,” said Alluka, demonstrating her excellent knowledge of Killua. 

“I knew that one too,” said Gon, pointing at Killua with his index finger. “Here’s one you might not know, he absolutely  _ hates _ bugs. He’s totally squeamish around them.”

“I am  _ not _ squeamish, they’re just  _ gross _ ,” snapped Killua. 

“Who do you think captures and releases all the spiders in our home? It’s me, obviously I knew that. But did you know that he’s a little weirdo who sleeps with his socks on?”

“Not in summer, though,” added Gon, as if he were trying to demonstrate his extra knowledge on the Killua Fun Facts. Killua rolled his eyes as they began discussing more of his  _ apparently _ weird habits. His sister and boyfriend laughed at him as he pretended to be more upset than he was. It was nice that they could joke like this, especially after a long hard day. Maybe if he had Gon around more often, they could have more moments just like this. Especially if Gon moved in with him. He  _ was _ an ecology hunter, but maybe he and Alluka could join him on his excursions for fun, at least every once in a while. Surely it was more exciting than taking an odd hunter job here or there to get some cash for rent and other goods. 

But if Gon moved in, would Alluka stay? If she didn’t want to, that was one thing, but…. He had lived with her for four years now. Sometimes they drove each other completely up the wall. It would be super lonely without her. Killua thought back to earlier events that day. He had been pushing Gon out of the way to spend time focusing on Alluka’s issues before leaving Alluka alone to focus on his time with Gon. But it didn’t have to be like that. Sure, he could have his alone time with both of them, with Gon as his boyfriend and Alluka as his sister, but it didn’t have to be so cut and dry. Of course, he’d need to talk it over with Gon first, he might not even want to live together with him in the first place. The fear suddenly stuck Killua. What if Gon didn’t want to move in-

He shook the thought out of his head. Of course Gon probably wanted to move in, they were boyfriends afterall. And if he didn’t it would probably be because he was going on another mission with Kite soon and was going to be away for a while. He didn’t need to overthink this anymore, Gon said he loved him, and he’d meant it. Though the nagging feeling was still in the back of his mind, he could push it to the side a little just to free his mind up. 

This was going to be okay. Whatever his parents had in store for him couldn’t be  _ that _ bad, could it? Except it totally and fully could be, these were the  _ Zoldycks _ he was talking about. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little bit of a breather before next chapter xD


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It seems like we have more than just one liar among us right now,”

It didn’t take long for one of the butlers to fetch Killua and Gon. Alluka promised to meet up with them later that night, but went off to go hang out with Kalluto and Milluki. At  _ least _ Killua had a bit of time to mentally prepare for the fact that he was going to get called in, if this had hit him by surprise he wasn’t sure what would have happened. Yet again, the one thing he didn’t prepare for, and  _ couldn’t _ have prepared for, was the fact that both  _ Hisoka and Illumi _ were also sitting down on the smaller couch in the room.

“Sit down,” said Kikyo. Killua promptly sat down on the couch. She looked over at Gon. “You too.” Gon sat down awkwardly on the couch next to Killua, bouncing his leg slightly before Killua gave him a look. He stopped. 

“Do these two really need to be here for this?” whined Killua. Hisoka gave him a little wave that pissed him off even more.

“I want to address one issue at a time. First of all-” Silva was cut off.

“We’re killing two birds with one stone, it’s more efficient this way,” said Kikyo, folding her hands over her lap. “Why have two interventions when one will suffice. We really shouldn’t have to do this at all, but it seems as if there are some…. Deficiencies… within the family…” She looked over at her sons as she said this, the red light from her visor looking a bit more intimidating than usual. 

“We don’t ask for a lot. In fact, I have been  _ very  _ lenient with you, especially, Killua. And what do you do to us? You lie.” Silva’s words were firm; Killua could tell he was disappointed in him.

“I can’t believe him! He really came home and told us  _ lies _ ,” sniffled Kikyo, as if she was put out by the whole endeavor. Killua tensed up. He couldn’t help but think back to Gon’s earlier words. 

_ You’re a transmuter, a whimsical liar. _

Was it so second nature to him in general that he was just a liar of some sort? He’d proposed the fake dating in the first place, which was incredibly dishonest to start with, and he did it  _ to _ bother his parents, and-

No, screw them. He wasn’t lying for fun, he was doing it because at the time he wanted to come up with a way to protect Alluka. But it didn’t end up working quite as much as he wanted to. Killua felt his throat dry up when he came to the realization that he was also using it to protect himself from his own feelings and issues with his parents.

“I actually just pretended to date Gon so that I could have an excuse to bring him along because I wanted him here,” said Killua, catching himself lying once again. Fuck. “Because I thought you wouldn’t approve of me just bringing a friend over…”

“Is this true?” asked Silva, looking him directly in the eyes. 

“He’s lying,” interrupted Illumi. Everyone turned to look at him. “I know my brother very well, I can tell when he’s lying.”

Killua felt his heart stop. What the  _ fuck _ Illumi. Why was he doing this? What did he hope to gain out of it? Was he throwing him under the bus in order to make his own punishment more lenient? Didn’t he know that this wasn’t how it worked? Was he just trying to be a dick on purpose? Perhaps he was. Killua narrowed his eyes. He could get some dirt on Illumi, he had to. He didn’t exactly  _ want _ to bring it up, but the hickeys he’d seen on Hisoka’s neck at dinner were likely still there, unless Hisoka had covered them up with his texture surprise. He couldn’t discount the possibility that they were actually just texture surprise themselves, but that was a last resort possibility. 

Killua squirmed in his seat. He really didn’t want to have to go there, not just because it was an embarrassing thing to bring up, but because going against Illumi like that just didn’t feel quite right. But he deserved it. He should just rat him out. No. Yes. Would his parents even care about that? Seriously, how was this the  _ only _ dirt he had on Illumi….

“No, he’s telling the truth,” said Hisoka, interrupting Killua’s internal turmoil. What? Why was Hisoka siding with them? Was there some motive he couldn’t understand? “Though I’m not so sure it was all that platonic to start with, if you know what I mean…”

“That’s right,” Gon added. “We’re actually dating now. For real. We just needed to actually confess to each other, right Killua.”

“Right, yes, that’s what happened,” said Killua awkwardly. Silva and Kikyo looked at each other as if they were having an intense mental conversation that no one could hear except them. Killua squeezed Gon’s hand a little tighter. It was comforting, their hands felt perfectly sized to hold together.

Kikyo turned back to face the four of them. She did not look pleased.

“So, it seems like we have more than just  _ one _ liar among us right now,” she said, looking around the room. Killua held his breath. What was he supposed to say? If he went for the truthful route, and told them everything from the point of wanting to protect Alluka from them, that would  _ surely _ piss them off, and drag Alluka back into this mess. Though he didn’t want to readily admit it, if he brought Alluka into the mess, it  _ would _ make things easier on his part, but that defeated the whole purpose of everything that he’d done up until now. No. Alluka was off limits.

“Were you also lying to us about your relationship?” Silva looked over at his other son and his person of interest, brows furrowed slightly together. Hisoka and Illumi glanced at each other. 

“Oh we would  _ never _ lie to you.” Hisoka had honeyed his voice again, saying each word slowly to make sure it stuck with Silva. “Would you like us to prove it? I am a bit shy, though, but if Daddy Zoldyck  _ insisted  _ that we consummate in front of him, I suppose I couldn’t refuse-”

Hisoka’s sentence was cut off by Silva promptly grabbing him by the neck, walking over to the edge of the room, dropping him down, closing the door, and immediately locking it. As he sat back down in his chair, Illumi piped up.

“You know he just did that so he wouldn’t have to be in the room anymore,” he said, offering Silva an explanation that he definitely didn’t care about hearing.

“Just because you’re…. Dating… him doesn’t mean he gets a free pass for disrespect,” explained Kikyo. “He’s…. We’ll get to that later when your father has calmed down.”

“I am calm,” said Silva. He and Kikyo stared at each other for a brief second too long, just enough to make everyone else in the room visibly uncomfortable again. 

“Truth be told, your father and I, well, we didn’t think you were interested in, uh, whatever is going on between the two of you,” said Kikyo, waving her fingers in the air in a fluid circular motion. “Personally, I’m glad you found someone who you care about, but-”

“You announced your engagement before getting our approval so now if we shut it down it looks bad on us,” finished Silva. 

“I think it’s fine! I was just shocked, that’s all-”

“You think that  _ clown _ is good enough to marry into the family?” 

“Oh, stop it, Silva. He’s just a bit peculiar, that’s all,” said Kikyo, looking over at Illumi. “I don’t think there’d be many other takers, Illu has a very refined taste.”

“I think you have it flipped, you’re just excited that someone has expressed interest in him,” retorted Silva. 

“Of course not, Illu is perfect, just look at him,” said Kikyo. Both Gon and Killua instinctually felt themselves looking over at Illumi, who just sat there silently with his fish eyes. Killua shuddered. 

“Do we have to be here for this? I’m uncomfortable,” said Gon, raising his hand awkwardly as if he were a kid in school trying to interrupt the teacher for an important question. “I feel like we shouldn’t be hearing this?”

“These are family matters,  _ dear _ , get used to them,” said Kikyo. Killua grimaced. Was she threatening Gon with this? Or was she genuinely welcoming him? Hadn't Gon called him dear at dinner? Did she remember that?

“I can’t even tell what exactly you’re reprimanding Illumi for, it seems like the two of you can’t even agree if he should be allowed to marry Hisoka or not,” said Gon. Part of Killua was screaming for him to just shut Gon up and not escalate the situation, but the other part was oddly curious to see where this would go. 

“That’s why we’re having a discussion about it,” said Kikyo. Killua facepalmed. 

“Don’t you think you should have discussed this  _ before _ calling us all into the room? I mean this with no disrespect, but can we  _ please _ go?” asked Gon.

“No.” Silva shut him off.

“Okay, sorry, sir,” said Gon, awkwardly slouching down into his seat. 

“You tried,” whispered Killua. Gon rolled his eyes. They weren’t even in the conversation right now, or the subjects of it, but the secondhand embarrassment coming off from the topic was enough to make Killua cringe over and over again every time his parents spoke. 

“Why don’t you get Hisoka back into the room so we can discuss this,” said Kikyo. She looked over at Gon and Killua. “We’re letting you observe what happens here so you can prepare yourselves in a few years.”

“Prepare for… OH!” Gon’s cheeks flushed a deep red. He looked so cute and flustered like that. Silva opened the door to let Hisoka back in, who had a stupid grin on his face. 

“Has the jury reached a verdict?” he said, sitting down next to Illumi so one of his legs was on top of Illumi’s crossing over in between them. Silva’s eye twitched. Twice. 

“We had this talk the first time I  _ caught _ you invading the sanctity of my home here, but what are your intentions with my son?” said Silva sternly. Hisoka fluffed up the back of his hair. 

“Mm depends who’s asking, are we talking as friends, or “future father in law” to “future son in law-””

“Is the answer different?” asked Illumi. Hisoka whispered something into Illumi’s ear, causing his eyes to widen further. “Hisoka, I’m going to kill you.”

“Keep the bedroom talk in the bedroom, Illumi, not here in front of your  _ parents _ -”

“You really want  _ this _ around the house,” said Silva, gesturing to his wife. Kikyo crossed her arms defensively. “He can’t even answer the question without being a pest.”

“I  _ could _ , but where’s the fun in that?” suggested Hisoka. Silva glared at him. “Fine, we’re planning on settling down, having about 2.5 kids, and getting a little house with a white picket fence.”

“Wrong answer,” said Silva. Hisoka shrugged. 

“I guess I didn’t study the  _ test material _ hard enough,” he said, giving Illumi a little pat on the back. “Maybe I should review the source.”

“I’m literally going to puke,” said Killua, looking at his parents as if to plead for them to help him. Unfortunately, they were rather  _ preoccupied _ . 

“Killua can you please just… Fine, go take your little friend…? Boyfriend….? And go back to your room or something. We’ll talk tomorrow morning,” said Kikyo, gesturing for them to leave the room. Wait, that  _ worked? _ Perhaps he and Gon were just the right amount of annoying.... Killua wasted no time getting up, but Gon was already making a beeline to the door. Seems like he was just as, if not  _ more _ uncomfortable with the situation. 

Luckily he and Gon had the same idea to crash in Killua’s room. Gon sat down on the edge of the bed awkwardly as Killua flopped down back first and sighed. He then got himself more comfortable and lay down next to Killua. Right, Gon was probably feeling a bit unsure of his boundaries with the whole dating thing too. His mind was racing still, though. 

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but thank  _ God _ for Hisoka,” said Killua, feeling a sour taste on his tongue. “I was seriously considering telling them the truth, that we started fake dating to provide a distraction from Alluka. I feel terrible about it.”

“But you didn’t say it. I think it’s fine to think about things like that, it’s what you  _ do _ that matters,” said Gon. “You can’t always control your thoughts. I know I think about some stuff I shouldn’t sometimes.”

“I get that,” said Killua, looking up at his ceiling fan as it spun around. “I just really don’t want to know if I was capable of that kind of thing.”

“Yeah,” said Gon, looking over at Killua. “Just curious, what would have happened if we finished our conversation?” Killua ran a hand through his hair. 

“Hmm, likely I would have gotten ostracised more for lying to them. They would then give me an adequate punishment to convince me not to lie to them again, or to explain the purpose of telling the truth,” explained Killua. “You’d probably have been fine.”

“Have they punished you like that? For things before?” asked Gon. Killua shrugged. 

“Yeah, it’s more preventative measures, like, it’s not because they’re mad at me and taking their anger out. It’s to correct our behavior,” said Killua. His mind flashed back to years ago when Milluki had lied to their parents when they were just kids, only to end up getting his tongue clamped until they felt he’d learned his lesson. He hadn’t been able to talk right after that for days. “Honestly it just makes us better at not getting caught.”

“I’d imagine,” said Gon, softening his gaze. “I’m glad you don’t have to put up with that now. Once we leave we don’t have to come back until the wedding. If you want to come back, of course.” Killua snorted. 

“Oh man, the  _ wedding _ ,” he said, shaking his head slightly. “Who would have thought…”

“Neither of them seem like the type to settle down,” said Gon. 

“Honestly,” sighed Killua. “I mean, knowing my parents, there’s a nonzero chance the wedding idea will be shut down before the end of today, so don’t get your hopes up too much.”

“I’ll make sure not to ‘get my hopes up’, I guess,” joked Gon. The two of them cracked up. Killua felt Gon’s hand brush over his briefly, letting up for a second, before resting down a bit more confidently. That’s right, they were  _ dating _ now. Killua flipped over onto his side and looked over at Gon, who mirrored his position. Killua couldn’t help thinking back to the last time they were together in his bedroom. Apparently, Gon had a similar thought. 

“The last time we were together like this we got interrupted, do you want to pick up where we left off?” asked Gon, tracing his thumb along the back of Killua’s hand. 

“Let me lock the door first this time so that doesn’t happen again,” said Killua. The two of them shared a smirk. One kiss led to the next, each feeling better than the last. It felt good to kiss him under these circumstances. There were no hidden feelings, or lines to cross, it was okay this time. He was allowed to kiss Gon. Killua felt like his entire mind was just focused on nothing but Gon, and all of the tactile sensations, until eventually Gon pulled back with an epiphany of some sort. 

“Wait, I figured it out,” said Gon, as a lightbulb went off in his mind. Killua sat up and looked at him, puzzled. 

“What?”

“Remember how you were bringing me along as a date to be distracting so that your parents would have more pressing matters to focus on than being mean to Alluka?” asked Gon. Killua nodded.

“Right, that was the original plan... holy shit!” Suddenly the realization hit him. It suddenly made sense. 

“Now the question is, did Hisoka  _ purposefully _ co-opt our plan, or is he just..”

“Like that,” finished Killua. The two of them looked at each other, puzzled. 

“I think he might have just wanted to unhinge a bit and this doubled as a positive because it’d get us onto his good side,” suggested Gon. 

“The more I think about it, the less I find I care to know why,” said Killua, leaning in for another kiss. His apathy towards the situation didn’t last long, though. He pulled out of the kiss and went right to talking. “Wait, do you think he was trying to show us up?” Gon leaned back onto his palms, eyebrows knit together. 

“Oh he totally was!” exclaimed Gon. He bit his bottom lip. “I can’t believe he beat us at our own game.” The two of them sat there and looked at each other for a few seconds before Killua spoke up again. 

“Do you mind if we just save this conversation for after the makeout session because I’d like for there to be a considerable lack of clowns on the brain when I’m  _ kissing  _ you,” joked Killua. Gon tried to hold back a smile but Killua could tell he found that amusing. 

“Yeah we can do that. Sorry, I just needed to get that out before I forgot,” he said, cupping his hand against Killua’s cheek before kissing him again. This time, they  _ weren’t _ interrupted. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and now you see the breather was for the secondhand embarrassment from this chapter's existence
> 
> Depending on how I split up the next chapter, it will either be the last, or there will be 13 and 14. I'm still editing it. Thanks for staying with my fic for this long!


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I guess we were all kind of dealing with our own things.”

The emotional rollercoaster from earlier was all Killua needed to completely pass out that night. He hadn’t slept in this bed for  _ years _ but it was just about what he remembered. It felt weird being back, waking up to see the familiar scenery. For just a moment, Killua had a panic that he had just woken up from a long dream, and that none of this had even happened. The room was  _ exactly _ how it looked six years ago. He snapped out of it once Gon’s arm draped over him as he rolled over in his sleep.  _ Oh yeah _ . 

It hadn’t been a dream at all. It’d been better than one, especially since it was real. Gon was here with him, now his  _ boyfriend _ , and Alluka didn’t seem to be in any immediate danger of being locked away by their family again. Though there was a rough patch, everything had worked out well. Almost too well. 

No, he was just overthinking everything again, things were allowed to work out well. It was going to be fine. Killua looked over at Gon, who was still asleep, and grabbed whatever covers he was still under to pull them off. 

“Ahg, it’s cold,” said Gon, waking up to grab the rest of the covers. Killua smirked and pulled them all over onto his side as quickly as he could. Gon yawned, then scooted over so he could try to slip under the covers again.

“Are you going to do this any time I spend the night?” asked Gon, noticing the bright rays of light peeking through the blinds. 

“Maybe,” Killua said, getting out of bed to rummage through his closet to pick out an outfit before remembering that nothing in his closet would fit him now. Right, he’d grown almost a foot taller. Good thing he’d packed an outfit or two in his bag for the trip. “If I outright told you yes or no, you’d expect it and it wouldn’t be enough of a surprise to wake you up.”

“Of course,” said Gon, flatly, but Killua could tell he found his shenanigans funny. “Do you want to get some breakfast? I’m pretty hungry.”

“Sure, but I don’t want to hang around too much longer because otherwise my mom will try to convince us to stay for the entire  _ week _ which I don’t think I’d be able to handle,” explained Killua. “You saw how dinner was, imagine that, but slightly more toned down every night. Between everyone’s assassination jobs we don’t always eat all of us together at the table like that but it’s still pretty….”

“Charged?” suggested Gon. Killua gave him two finger guns, one for hitting the mark and the other for making a slight joke about his nen. “I don’t mind all that much, I’ve gotten into arguments with Aunt Mito at the dinner table before, and don’t even get me started on Kite.”

“Oh man, I’d imagine,” said Killua, thinking back to an earlier conversion when Gon had brought up that he gets frustrated with Kite sometimes when he doesn’t let him have full autonomy as a hunter because of his lack of nen. He  _ almost _ made a comment pressing about Kite just wanting to look after them when they were younger and how he should lessen up now, but didn’t want to strike a nerve with Gon. That one was probably better left unsaid. “I guess, I was just mostly referencing that we’re not exactly a normal family.” Gon thought about that for a second before speaking up. 

“Obviously there’s the whole assassin thing, and how they’re a bit… all up in your business all the time, but I think that’s kind of just how families are. I don’t blame you for not wanting to hang around, you need your own space too,” said Gon. Killua shrugged. There was  _ some _ merit in what he said, especially the last part, but it still just didn’t sit quite right with him. Whatever.

“Let’s get Alluka too, I really should have said something last night, but….” Killua’s voice trailed off as he and Gon met eyes. They both smirked. 

“Don’t sweat it, I’m sure she’ll understand,” said Gon. 

After stopping by Alluka’s room, the three of them made their way to the kitchen. 

“We have some kitchen staff that will cook things,” explained Killua. “But I told a few of them that we want to make something so we can go ahead and get started on that.”

“I want pancakes,” said Allluka. 

“Then make them yourself,” snapped Killua. Alluka stuck her tongue out at him.

“You just don’t want to embarrass yourself in front of Gon because you don’t know how to make pancakes,” teased Alluka. Killua sighed. 

“I  _ do _ know how to make pancakes,” he said, as if he were trying to prove something to Gon, who was already looking over at Alluka as if they were plotting something. “I’m serious!”

“He can’t flip them without making a mess,” said Alluka. Ten minutes of mixing pancake batter together and Killua was ready to prove that he could, in fact, flip a pancake. He picked up some of the batter and put it into the pan, hearing the familiar hissing noise. 

“Just watch,” said Alluka, reminding everyone that she was absolutely judging his pancake flipping skills. Killua watched the pancake as the bubbles started to appear on the top. Alluka was  _ somewhat _ right, he’d messed up before but it wasn’t as often as she made it sound. There was no way he was going to mess this up, especially not in front of Gon. And besides, this was likely a trick to get him to make pancakes for everyone. But luckily, he had a trick up his sleeve. After succeeding to flip the pancake and cook it again on the other side, he put it down on the plate for the others to examine. 

“Look who didn’t mess up,  _ Alluka _ ,” said Killua, pointing to the pancake. He then pointed at his sister. “Your turn. I bet you can’t flip them good.” Alluka flipped some hair over her shoulder. 

“Uhg,  _ fine _ ,” she sighed. “I’ll cave.”

“She may be a manipulator but I know all of her little tricks,” said Killua, tapping the side of his head with his pointer finger.

“Ah yes, you really saved yourself from being manipulated into making pancakes for everyone, how sexy of you,” teased Gon. “I can’t help but be completely enthralled.”

“Oh, why yes, how sexy of me,” said Killua a bit softer as he gave Gon a little wink. Suddenly Gon looked over at Alluka, who had been stealing glances at them as she cooked another pancake. 

“Whoops,” he said, looking around awkwardly as he suddenly had no idea what to do with his hands. He gave Alluka a big smile.

“I honestly don’t mind, I’ve been teasing Killua about the two of you getting together for  _ years _ , it was bound to happen eventually. And besides, you’ve been lowkey flirting with each other this whole time,” said Alluka, flipping her pancake over. “I’m totally desensitized to it.”

“That’s a relief,” said Killua, noticing Gon’s cheeks getting a slight blush. “So that means I can do stuff like  _ this _ .” Killua pressed a quick kiss onto Gon’s cheek. Alluka gave him an awkward thumbs up. Suddenly, the door to the kitchen swung open. Kalluto looked over at Killua and raised an eyebrow. 

“Morning,” said Killua as he looked over at the single pancake sitting on the plate. 

“You do realize that it’s 1 pm,” said Kalluto. He looked as if he’d been awake for a while, and after Killua realized how late in the day it was, he probably had ben. 

“It’s morning for me because I just woke up,” Killua sassed back. Kalluto shrugged and took a seat at the table. 

“That is  _ not _ how that works,” said Kalluto. 

“I kind of agree,” said Alluka, twirling a bit of her hair around her finger. “Morning is a set time of the day. Just because you happen to typically wake up  _ during _ morning doesn’t imply the reverse.”

“Yeah, and if you stay up all night, you usually comment “oh shit it’s already morning”,” added Gon. Killua crossed his arms. 

“You too? Alluka I understand, she’s always trying to prove me wrong, but I can’t believe my own boyfriend would turn against me like this,” Killua lamented playfully. Alluka flipped the pancake onto the plate. 

“Perfect, this one looks even better than yours,” said Alluka. Killua glanced over it. 

“I think Killua’s is actually better,” said Gon. 

“Do you want to try?” asked Killua. Kalluto’s eyes widened slightly, but he looked at him intently still as if he didn’t trust what he was hearing. Adding a little competition always helps, perhaps that would lower the tension. “Have you even flipped a pancake before?”

“You’ll find out,” said Kalluto, taking the spatula from Alluka. He poured some of the batter into the pan. Everyone watched and waited in dead silence as Kalluto didn’t take his eyes off the stove. What no one expected is that instead of using the spatula, he straight up sauteéd it. 

“You certainly one upped our brother,” said Alluka, taking another dig at him. “Our pancake making skill rankings are inversely proportional to our ages.”

“I think I’d believe that, I’m half convinced Illumi doesn’t even know what a pancake is,” joked Gon. Everyone laughed at that one. After Kalluto flipped a second pancake for Gon, the four of them sat down at the table to eat. 

“I’m sorry for telling Mom and Dad on you,” said Kalluto awkwardly. He poked at the top of his pancake with his fork. “I won’t do it again.”

“Apology rejected,” said Killua. Kalluto looked up at him in complete shock. “Just kidding. It’s fine, I don’t really care all that much anymore. I just wanted to make sure you were paying attention.”

“Asshole,” said Alluka under her breath. 

“What’s that, I couldn’t hear you,” said Killua, nudging her with his elbow. “Care to tell everyone else?”

“Ass. Hole.”

Kalluto’s face usually had a very observant expression on it. He didn’t express too much emotion, but it was easy to tell that he was thinking about a lot of things. This was very different now, he was holding back a grin but it was  _ very _ obvious he found this absolutely hilarious. As soon as he regained control of his facial expression, he looked solemnly at Killua and Gon. 

“Seriously, though, I’m sorry for whatever happened to you last night-”

“If you want to know a secret, nothing really happened,” said Killua. 

“Except for that  _ very _ uncomfortable conversation,” said Gon. Killua rolled his eyes. 

“Right,  _ that _ . I wanted to block it out of my mind,” said Killua. Alluka and Kalluto sat there, completely prepared for him to tell all of the juicy details. 

“Long story short, let’s just say Hisoka was playing the conversation like a cheap kazoo,” said Gon. “And what I mean by that is that he knew exactly what buttons to push in order to keep the conversation at a standstill.”

“We barely got past the “what did I do wrong” part of the pre-punishment discussion,” joked Killua. “Hisoka was  _ that _ annoying.”

“Not annoying,  _ brilliant _ ,” said Kalluto under his breath. Alluka and Gon looked at each other. Killua forgot that they hadn’t heard all the things Kalluto had been saying during dinner yesterday. Figured.

“Wait, why were they present when you were getting reprimanded?” asked Alluka. 

“Oh, in order to speed things up they decided to yell at both of us at once. Apparently Dad is totally against the engagement, and I can’t entirely tell where Mom stands but I think she’s for it, but also mad that they just announced it as a fact without talking to her about it first,” explained Killua. “Knowing Hisoka, I’m sure that conversation went absolutely nowhere.”

“We’ll find out in a few months if we get a wedding invitation. You're the prime candidate to be best man,” teased Gon.

“I hate that you’re right,” said Killua, pushing his empty plate away. “Hisoka might pick you as best man for him, though.” Gon choked on his water. 

“Please, no,” he said, through a few giggles. 

“I’m just waiting for one of them to walk in right when you’re joking about this so it becomes a reality,” said Alluka deviously. 

“Okay, we’ll stop,” promised Gon. Kalluto looked down at his plate and smiled softly before looking up. 

“When are you three heading out?” he asked. Killua scratched the back of his head. 

“Probably sometime in an hour or two, whenever the tour bus comes,” said Killua. “That, or I could charge up and do another run down the mountain. Think I can carry both of you?”

“Absolutely not,” said Alluka. “You’re out of practice.” Killua rolled his eyes. 

“Oh, okay,” said Kalluto, shifting around in his chair. “I had fun. When you came back. It’s nice to have people to talk to. Maybe next time you can stay longer?” Killua felt an uneasy feeling as he realized that once again he was leaving Kalluto behind here. And the implication that there  _ would _ be a next time was also weighing on his mind. Did he want to come back?  _ Should _ he want to come back? Thankfully, Alluka cut him off before he could think about it too much. 

“Do we want to make a group chat? I can get myself a phone, we certainly have the funds for it, and then we can all keep in touch through there,” suggested Alluka. “We don’t have to tell the adults about it, though.”  
“Literally only you and Kalluto are still minors,” Killua reminded her. Gon smirked. 

“Based on how you act, I sometimes forget that,” said Alluka. “Sometimes, it feels like I should be the older sibling. I’m more responsible.” Killua raised an eyebrow at her. 

“You go through more houseplants than anyone else because you keep forgetting to water them, there’s no way you can talk to me about responsibility,” scoffed Killua. Alluka over exaggerated her pout. 

“It’s true, I’m not a very good plant mother,” said Alluka. 

“Have you tried a cactus or succulent? They don’t need to be watered as often so they’re good for beginners who keep forgetting to water their plants. They look a bit strange but I think you’d still find them pretty,” suggested Gon. 

“I’ll have to look into that!”

There was a brief pause before Kalluto pulled out a piece of paper and began to scribble something down. As soon as he finished, he slid the paper over to Alluka. 

“When you get your phone, add me to the group chat. I’d like that,” he said, looking over at Killua as he talked. “I think it’d be fun to just keep in touch.”

“Yeah,” said Killua, awkwardly. Was Kalluto trying to be passive aggressive about this or was he genuinely just wanting Killua to chat with him over text that much? He brushed the thoughts out of his mind. Kalluto likely just wanted to spend quality time with him because he was his brother and he didn’t get to that often when they were kids. He was definitely overthinking this again. As long as their parents didn’t get word of the groupchat, it was completely harmless. 

He apologized to Kalluto last night already, but there was still a bit of awkwardness. He wasn’t sure if he was imagining it or not. Maybe he just needed a little bit more of a break before trying to decipher it. The conversation seemed to be happening easy enough, but there was still a bit of a disconnect. It wasn’t as bad as it had been before, so maybe this was just the natural progression of things. Of course it was. Some things just took time. 

He did notice that Kalluto hadn’t yet made any comments or advances towards Gon. Was he just doing it for the attention? Or did he realize that the comments were inappropriate. Either way, Killua was silently grateful for it. 

“I’ll add you to the chat once I get rid of this crappy burner phone. Look, Gon sent me a ton of emotes a few days ago and they don’t even show up,” said Killua, showing his phone on the table. 

“You didn’t even save my number!” exclaimed Gon, realizing his name was still ??? in Killua’s phone. 

“I have it memorized, I don’t need to,” Killua said offhandedly. Gon rolled his eyes. 

“I’m half tempted to remove your name from my phone as payback but I could do something equally as terrible and just make it a stupidly sappy pet name,” said Gon, hovering his finger over the backspace button. 

“I promise the first two things I do when I get my new phone are make a contact for you and make the groupchat,” said Killua, not wanting to see what kind of pet name crimes Gon was about to come up with. 

“Thanks,” said Kalluto, giving Killua a little nod. “I can’t wait.” 

Fortunately since everyone else was dealing with their own daytime tasks, leaving completely unannounced wasn’t that hard at all. Killua felt as if his stress had dropped tenfold the moment they got onto the tour bus to go the way back. 

“So I was thinking earlier, would you and Alluka be interested in joining me on an excursion?” asked Gon. “I’d look around with Kite and see if we can find one that’s not as dangerous but still cool.”

“Are you sure you’ll be able to keep up with Alluka? Every time we go somewhere, she likes to explore everything,” said Killua. Alluka rolled her eyes at him. 

“You’re saying that as if it puts you out. Don’t listen to him, Gon, he likes exploring just as much or maybe even more than I do,” corrected Alluka. It was true, after travelling with Gon so much when they were younger, he had picked up some of Gon’s habits whenever they were exploring a place. 

“Perfect!” said Gon. “Oh I already can’t wait, I have a few places in mind. What’s your opinion on giant mushrooms?”

“Am I supposed to have an opinion on them?” joked Killua. Gon scrunched his eyebrows together. 

“I think they’re  _ cool _ ,” said Alluka, giving Killua a little nudge in the side. “I also think the ones that glow are cool too.”

“They actually don’t  _ glow _ , they bioluminesce,” said Gon as if he were spouting out a neat little trivia fact. Both Alluka and Killua looked at him blankly. 

“What’s the difference?” asked Killua. 

“Bioluminescence is from a chemical reaction of enzymes within an organism that produces light….. Don’t look at me like that, it’s not my fault that Kite has drilled these facts into my head!” exclaimed Gon.

“I like hearing them,” said Killua. “I’m just teasing.”

“Good,” said Gon. “Because you’re stuck hearing them anyways. Now that I have a captive audience again, I can go back to talking about ants-”

“Now that you’re self aware about it, I’m going to cut you off again,” said Alluka, weaseling her way into the conversation. “I didn’t really want to say this around Kalluto, but, wow, you were kind of right about our family being totally hard to deal with. I know I was on edge the whole time, I can’t imagine how you two felt.” 

“My mind kept jumping immediately to the worst possible scenarios and then I ended up freaking myself out,” said Killua, shoving his hands into his pockets. “The only things that actually caught me off guard were when Mom didn’t care about me dating Gon, and then literally anything Kalluto said or did.” He knew why that was though, especially about Kalluto. He couldn’t exactly predict his behavior if he didn’t really have a baseline for it to begin with. 

“I was honestly more preoccupied with trying to keep my feelings under control than dealing with the family,” said Gon. “Especially since Killua decided to  _ make out with me _ while we were fake dating and  _ alone _ . There’s no sane explanation for that.”

Alluka smirked at them, and Killua felt his cheeks pinken. 

“I guess we were all kind of dealing with our own things,” said Alluka, knowingly.

“At least we worked it out!” exclaimed Gon. Killua slipped his hand into Gon’s and gave it a little squeeze. 

“Do you want to download the video games we played with Milluki when we get back to our apartment and have a rematch since it’s not clear who won?” suggested Killua. 

“I  _ clearly _ won but if you want a rematch I  _ guess _ we can,” said Alluka. 

“Scared you’ll lose?” asked Gon. 

“Of course not, I’m just leaving a disclaimer,” said Alluka. Killua smiled. This was the kind of argument they  _ should  _ be having, not literally anything that happened earlier. It felt good to only have to worry about if he was going to be able to live up to his claim. Maybe, things were just going to work out. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brief apology for releasing this a week late, I had a bunch of things going on irl, but here it is! 
> 
> The fic is finally over! Thanks for sticking with it the entire time, I really appreciate all of the comments and enthusiasm about the fic! I really enjoyed having people talk to me about it because it gave me a little more confidence that I was doing things right! I'm a little sad that it's finally done because this fic has been on my mind for almost 2 months, and wow, I just can't believe it's over. 
> 
> Let me know your general thoughts!
> 
> If you're interested, join my discord server https://discord.gg/djHKzyZ96z
> 
> (an explanation for why it went from 6 chapters to 13: I had the whole thing planned and then broke each of the 6 chapters into 1-3 chapters each in order to do a twice a week publishing schedule)


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